black women

Pressure to be “Black”: You’re Not a “real” Woman Unless Your Hair Is Natural?

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women-gossiping450By Tamala Perkins

Women in general are known for being overly aware of each other’s outfits, hair, nails and other aspects of physical appearance. Black women are no different. In fact, popular television preacher T.D. Jakes has been known to say that women don’t spend long hours and unbelievable amounts of money getting ready to impress men; they do it to impress each other! The finger pointing amongst women doesn’t just stop at appearances. It extends to how women think other women should think and act.
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Here are six things Black women tend to make each other feel bad about:

Natural Hair – Embracing your natural beauty and your natural hair is great but when having natural hair suddenly makes you the hair Nazi, it’s not so great anymore. More and more women are embracing natural hair and the many different ways to style their hair without straightening it or putting chemicals in it but it is still a choice and women who choose to exercise a different one should not be made to feel bad about it.

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No make up – Much like the hair Nazis there are women who will accuse women who wear make-up of hating themselves or of not loving their features.

Curvy – Curvy women have a tendency of making women who are slimmer and tend not to have a protruding behind of not being Black enough. The sad part is that some women, no matter how hard they try to gain weight, just can’t because their metabolisms are faster and they come from a family where most people tend to be thin.
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Don’t be Vulnerable – Many women mistake being unpleasant and not allowing themselves to be vulnerable for strength. Actually, vulnerability requires a great deal of strength. Some women will try to make women who allow themselves to love and be loved feel like they are being foolish or weak when in fact, the ones pointing fingers are the ones who are so terrified of letting their guard down they would rather ignore their feelings.

Independent –  The independent woman is a lot like the one who doesn’t want to ever be vulnerable. According to her, she doesn’t need anything or anyone and will often point fingers at women who aren’t as “independent”. Being independent is actually usually deeply rooted in a fear of abandonment so while it can be an admirable trait, it can also be a terrible affliction.

Complexion – Darker skinned women tend to make lighter skinned women feel like they have a deeper connection to the continent of Africa but that is simply not true. A more well informed person would know that Africans also come in many different complexions.

Black women come in all shapes, shades, sizes and personalities. Nothing is gained when we make each other feel like any one type of woman is not Black enough. We are all Black and beautiful.