black women

Nomalanga: Gabby Union’s Struggles With Getting Pregnant and Life After The Wedding

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gabby.dwadeBy Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

I have a friend and fellow blogger who has been in Hollywood for some years and I have never forgotten a discussion we had about what many women in Hollywood experience when it comes to having children.

I thought about my conversation with my friend when I saw a story about Gabrielle Union’s recent interview with UPTOWN magazine. Amongst other things, the newly wed discusses her challenges with getting pregnant; there is really only one challenge – it’s not happening!

What I became aware of during my conversation with my friend in Hollywood was that many women go to Hollywood, chasing a dream; usually the dream is being a successful actress. What happens to a lot of women though is that they spend so much time, effort, energy and money doing everything that they can to “make it” that they often completely ignore their “biological clocks” which we are all subject to. One day they look up and they may be enjoying some success in their careers but they feel like something is missing from the picture – a baby. The sad part, for many of these women, is that sometimes it is too late and without expensive medical procedures, they are not able to have the baby that they now desperately want. For some women, even with all the medical procedures, it just never happens for them.

In her interview with UPTOWN magazine, Unions says,

I think my brain and my heart are screaming baby fever. My ovaries, however, they’re coughing up dust. Yes, it’s in my heart and in my mind, and we’ll see if my body catches up with that.

She goes on to say that she is fulfilled with her husband and step-kids but says that she would still love to have a baby of her own, which she says would be a “medical miracle”. “I mean, we’d love to. We’ll see what my ovaries say. Cause right now they’re taking Geritol, ” she says. (Geritol is a supplement that women take to increase their fertility but it’s effectiveness has been questioned by some doctors).

While women like Halle Berry are able to have healthy babies, even at age 47, there are other women like Angela Basset who have had to hire surrogates to have their babies. In a recent interview with media mogul, Oprah Winfrey, actress Vivica Fox shared that, at 50 years old, she now regrets never having a baby, especially when she sees how happy some of her friends are with motherhood.

As much as many women don’t like to hear it when it is said, women do need to think about marriage and babies much sooner and much more seriously than men. Women have a window of opportunity that can and will close while men generally don’t. Just recently, legendary singer Stevie Wonder had a baby with a much younger woman and he is over 60 years old! Unfortunately for women, even if you can “snag” a younger man, that won’t increase theirchances of having a baby if that window has closed.

For women like Angela Basset, Halle Berry and even Gabbrielle Union, while their window may have technically closed, they can re-open it thorough medical intervention because they enjoy higher incomes than “normal” women. For most women, this is not necessarily an option which makes it that much more important for them to think about their future much earlier in life and make decisions and choices accordingly. There is nothing wrong with chasing your dreams but, as with everything in life, it should be done with balance and consideration for other aspects of your life.

Union happens to have married a man who already had children so she says they are happy and fulfilled with what they have. I imagine though that had her new husband not had his sons  (with his ex-wife) much more pressure would likely have been on Gabbie, right now, to have that baby. In fact, I question whether Dwyane Wade would have married a woman a decade older than him if he had not already had his sons. We will never know.

I adore Gabby and I’m glad to see that she appears to be at peace with her uncertain future with regards to having a baby. Maybe she will get her “medical miracle” and if she doesn’t, I hope younger women who are chasing their dreams will read about her story and that of other women in Hollywood and take a more balanced approach to how they go after their dreams. It can be hard to enjoy your dream coming true in one area of your life when it feels like your dream is crumbling in another area.

Nomalanga is a Life Balance Expert. Her speaking and coaching programs help busy women who struggle to balance Marriage, Motherhood and Money-Making™.  Nomalanga is an experienced instructor, author and avid blogger.

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