Married Woman Asks If Having Lunch With a Male Friend Is Considered Cheating

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A married woman asks Demetria Lucas of the Root whether or not she's cheating by eating lunch with a male friend.


Reported by Krystle Crossman

Many women who are married have male friends. There is nothing wrong with it at all, especially if there is nothing physical taking place. However, when you start to go out with a friend of the opposite gender and spend more time talking to him about important issues in life than your husband, there may be a problem.

A woman wrote to columnist Demetria of The Root and asked if she thought that her lunch dates with a man that was considerably younger than herself was cheating. She said there was nothing physical and he called her “big sis” all the time. They would talk for hours on their lunch dates about politics, religion, sports, current events, and anything else that they could think of. Demetria gave her the harsh truth. Simply put, yes, that could be considered cheating.

Demetria said when you are married you are not only supposed to have a physical and emotional connection with your partner, but an intellectual one too. She also said you should be able to talk to them about anything and have long conversations. She added that if you are spending a great deal of time talking about these important life issues, you are not being fair to your spouse. Not only that, but if you have to question whether something is wrong or not, it probably is.

The woman had stated in her letter that her husband had cheated on her years ago so she didn’t feel that he had a say in whether she went on lunch dates with someone or not. Demetria explained that just because he cheated does not mean that she should be doing it too. It does not give someone free range to go out and start a relationship (emotional or physical) with someone else because they are still hurt and upset by what their spouse did. That leads to fights, secrets, and could end up in divorce.

If you have a relationship with someone that you wouldn’t want your spouse knowing about, that you are lying about, or that you are more invested in than your marriage, you should probably stop what you are doing and look at what is driving you to do it.