black women

Shouldn’t The Pursuer Buy The Drink?

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approachHave the rules to conventional mating rituals changed? Back in the day it was believed that the man was responsible for winning over the woman. Well for those who believe in this more traditional role, it seems that there might be a new ritual on the horizon: The woman buying the man the drink. And winning him over. Diana Veiga, Washington D.C. resident, Spelman woman and writer raises this question in her article published in the Root, “Women are Expected to Buy Men Drinks Now? I Quit.”

Veiga speaks of her personal encounters with men who have asked her to buy them drinks as for their company and conversation. The interesting point Veiga’s article hits is the ways in which Black women constantly find themselves in a predicament when dating. Black women must navigate the perils of race, sex and class norms when finding love. Often, they do so in the face of many obstacles and odds stacked against them.

Statistics show that we are not the norm when it comes to society’s take on what love should look like in our lives. Veiga alludes to this statistic as she says, “Is this because some urban legend statistics say there’s one single, available, sometimes-working-a-job, not-even-that-fine-but-at-least-he’s-breathing black man for every 50 single, lonely, desperate black women? Is it because of articles asking, “‘Why Is It So Hard for Black Women to Find the Love They Deserve?’ Do women feel like they have to fight, claw and do whatever they need to do to hook a man, as if we’re fighting in the Hunger Games? Oh, no, I’m sorry, the Thirsty Games?”

Veiga firmly asserts that she is not going to play the game. Perhaps she is breaking the mold boldly choosing to disengage in games, while waiting for something genuine and deeply mutual to both parties involved.

What do we face while dating with changing expectations of women and courtship?

Itoro Udofia is a first generation Nigerian writer, educator and singer/songwriter. You can find her work and follow her at http://thoughtsofmymind-itoro.blogspot.com.