black women

Does the black church keep women single and lonely? (Video)

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Most black women go to church and are deeply committed to their pastors.   The black church has a very rich tradition in the African American community, and there is no denying the impact that the church has on it’s members.  But is the impact always good?

Deborah Cooper, an author who runs the website, has been an outspoken critic of the craziness that can sometimes happen in the black church.  She says that the church is designed to control women by trading the emotional security they receive for a greater degree of control over their lives.  She also says that the church’s mandates requiring women to wait for a man of a particular religious disposition is keeping millions of black women single, lonely and incredibly unhappy.

You have to ask yourself:  Does it make sense for a woman to believe that Jesus is the man she has to put first in her life?  If that’s true, does that take away from her ability to have healthy relationships?  Also, if a woman is waiting for a man in the church, does that mean that all the men in the church are simply saving the women for themselves, like the polygamist colonies do in Utah?  We know about many of the scandals in church, some involving pastors who sleep with several women in the church at the same time.  Maybe this nonsense has an origin that should be reconsidered.

She does an interview with Dr Boyce Watkins in the video below.  Check it out and tell us what you think.


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  1. ericaf

    April 21, 2014 at 9:14 pm


  2. mmdccbslm

    April 21, 2014 at 11:32 pm

    don’t blame their problem on the church. they brought their problems to the church. get serious! they want cover for their narcissism. they have no respect for their men. ‘g o d’ is their excuse not to be emotionally responsible in their relationships with men.

    and then there are the few genuinely righteous women. notice I said ‘few’.

  3. Enough is enough

    April 22, 2014 at 8:51 am

    Seems like church has become full of social cliques and bureaucracy, I would just assume go to an open field and praise Him for all his mercy and goodness. We live in a real world without hocus pocus and as women we need to be real with ourselves and our womenhood, and take full responsibility for ourselves and our emotions and stop making public mockeries for attention or competition. Sisters please stand up for yourselves, educate yourselves and be true to yourself and your creator.

  4. Terrence

    April 22, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    Exactly right, the church is not the cause of anyone’s problems, those problems are brought with them and they’re looking for any excuse for their own inequities. If you’re attending a church and the message is not coming from a place of love and the word, run!! People use that excuse all the time, all churches aren’t bad, do your due dilegence when choosing a place of worship, it’s just like anything else, you have to do your research.

  5. Carl Jenkins

    April 22, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    It is sad that the church has developed the reputation for exploitation that it now has. I do agree that many persons in the church has opted to live their lives vicariously through their spiritual leaders own point of reference and dictums. This should not be the case. Women should learn how to pry and ask God for wisdom and truth. They should never allow their church or belief system to replace in their lives what God’s word has stated is His dsire for them. I have noticed that many of he female preachers that are being placed on a pedestal today are women whose marriages bit the dust because they replaced their love of their husbands with their so-called devotion to God. God is not a home wrecker and Jesus is not a surrogate husband. When the sons of God became involved with the daughters of men they produced a monstrosity called a Nephillim and as a result the flood was sent to cleanse the land. I use that as an analogy of this thing of Jesus being the only man that a woman needs if that was so then we are right back to an age that God used the flood to destroy.Pastors need encourage their members to seek and find and make right choices not abandon their God given purpose for seeking substitutionary relationships with the divine as a replacement for the God ordained relationships between men and women.

  6. Jazzbabe

    April 22, 2014 at 7:57 pm


  7. Devon

    April 23, 2014 at 12:42 am

    Dumb bw say they married to jeezus. Stupid.

  8. Anike

    April 23, 2014 at 3:45 pm

    It may not keep them single and lonely but being a “saved” regular church attending woman sure does not keep her from moving in with her “fiancé'” (aka LT boyfriend) and/or having babies out of wedlock.

    Black churches are filled with never married parents of children, especially women.

    Of course only God is supposed to judge, right?

  9. Liz

    April 25, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    Do not blame the church, blame women who do not believe in themselves enough to know that God does not want us to be unhappy and sad and lonely. Be confident that Jesus loves us and wants us to be happy. We must know that we are valued by God. You cannot let my one yell you how to live your life. Read your Bible and study to make yourself empowered. Preachers are good and bad, just like all humans, so be empowered and know the Bible for yourself.

  10. Dee

    April 27, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    The author made a blanket statement about an entire institution that has no factual basis whatsoever. Black men keep black women single and lonely, period. Most black women will accept a good, decent and trustworthy black man, regardless of religious faith. Many Black Christian women like myself is not led by church dogma, but by an abiding faith that encourages, love, honor and respect. If a black man can’t bring those qualities, then I will happily be lonely and single.

  11. Deborrah Cooper

    April 28, 2014 at 11:54 pm

    Dee, since you haven’t read the book and don’t know WHAT you are talkinga bout, there is no point in your saying “no factual basis whatsoever.” The book is full of stories of people who lived this. You denying their reality with your smarty remark is rude and condescending. These people were fleeced, bamboozled, raped, molested, cheated, and lied to by their church leaders – all over the country. Just because YOU are not led by dogma doesn’t mean there aren’t millions that are. They are also represented in the book.

  12. Ücretsiz İndirim Kodu

    June 19, 2020 at 11:43 am

    The toy brought back fond memories of being lost in the rain forest.

  13. Kathryn Lopez

    July 12, 2020 at 12:44 am

    Hi! I’m a Canadian Single Mom living in Austin, I found your article to be soooo Usefull!

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