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Threatening To Leave Won’t Keep Your Husband From Cheating

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demetria-lucasBy Andrew Scot Bolsinger

Columnist and life coach Demetria L. Lucas warned the wife who caught her husband cheating, not once but twice, that hard work lay ahead in a recent advice column in The Root.

The anonymous woman who wrote in said she threatened divorce but suffered from nightmares and a lack of trust. Lucas told her it would take far more than a three-strikes-and-you’re-out threat to truly heal the relationship.

“You’ve decided to stay and have threatened to leave if it happens again, but that’s not fixing the problem. And if you want to be happily married and have the potential of a faithful husband, then both of you are going to have to do more than just agree to stay married and issue ultimatums,” Lucas wrote.

Lucas brought the cold truth of infidelity by pointing out that though the husband has been caught twice, it likely happened far more often. The threat of leaving if caught a third time is “idle” in her husband’s mind, Lucas said.

“The message you’re sending him is that you will make a lot of fuss, but when it boils down to it, he can cheat and you’re not going anywhere,” she said.

She said both of them would have to work on restoring fidelity to their marriage.

“Notice the emphasis on both. Your husband is solely responsible for his cheating. That is not on you. But both of you are responsible for whatever breakdown there is in the marriage that led to his infidelity. Both of you will have to make changes,” Lucas wrote.

Lucas is the author of two books on love and dating, an award winning blogger, and writes a weekly advice column for The Root.

Andrew Scot Bolsinger won more than two dozen press awards during his journalism career. He is a freelance writer, author and operates www.criminalu.co, which is focused on prison reform. He can reached at Andrew.Bolsinger@gmail.com