Should Modern Women Marry Traditional Men? Steve Harvey Explains

By  |  12 Comments
A couple appeared on the daytime TV show Steve Harvey to discuss whether or not a modern woman can marry a traditional man.

Couple seeks advice on “Steve Harvey”

Reported by Barry Burch Jr.

A young couple, Brittney and Loren, appeared on daytime TV show “Steve Harvey” to seek out some advice with regard to women taking on their husband’s last name after marriage.  The two people who provided them with sound advice were none other than Dr. Phil, who was a guest on the show, and Steve Harvey.

Brittney explained that though she and Loren have a great relationship, when they discuss marriage they have disagreements.  She described Loren as “traditional” and herself as a “modern woman,” saying that Loren wanted to be the bread-winner and wanted her to stay home to cook and clean.  Brittney does not see marriage this way.

One of the largest issues for Brittney is the name change following marriage.  Although she has agreed to hyphenate her name, Loren wants her to say goodbye to it completely.

When Dr. Phil asked Loren if he had anything to say, Loren said he respected the idea of an independent woman, but in his household, he wants a woman that cooks, cleans, and takes care of the children.  Dr. Phil asked, “So you would give her permission to be independent?”  Loren, who obviously had not thought about his situation in this way, admitted that the answer was yes.

Dr. Phil explained to the couple that their main problem was selfishness.   While listening to them tell their story, Dr. Phil said that he kept hearing the word “my” over and over again.  “‘I want her to take care of my house, I want her to take care of my kids, I want her to cook my dinner.’  My, my, my, oh my,” said Dr. Phil.

Harvey told Loren that he is in for some trouble.  While he agrees with Loren on his disagreement with the name decision, stating if a woman wants to keep her maiden name she should “marry her daddy,” Harvey says there is no way in this day and age that Loren can expect a woman to be cooking and cleaning up after him.

Dr. Phil explained to the couple that every day they wake up, the first thing they should be asking themselves is “What can I do today to make this marriage better?”  He said that there are people in the world who would be happy to have a man that wants what Loren wants; however, Brittney is not one of them.  Therefore, if they want the relationship to work they will have to be open to negotiation.  He added that the couple will also need “emotional integrity” meaning that they will need to refrain from telling each other what they want to hear.

“Don’t make a deal and change it,” said Dr. Phil.  “If ya’ll can’t solve this trust me, walking down the aisle, filling some paperwork out at the courthouse is not going to fix this.”

Barry is an award-winning writer and political scientist.  His business, “Barry Writes,” provides biographies, speeches, press releases and so forth to individuals and businesses in need of potent and compelling literature.  Reach him @ and


  1. Michael E. Brown

    March 19, 2014 at 11:04 am

    Madam Yolanda Brooks Bowers, what are you talking about. According to scripture, women were put here to be the “help mate” (that’s what “women” means in the Greek)of the man. Your purpose and identity is defined in scripture as it is for the man. The problem is that we “all” are under this sin curse. This sin dynamic has distorted everything including nature. Because of what Eve did, God, said that,the women will seek to control the man, but the man will dominates her. (Genesis 3:16!) Women (also referred to as the “modern woman”)have been rebelling against the initial order that God had originally established when He first created Adam. The order is God, man, woman and children. When women say, “I am strong and independent”…….she is actually speaking forth the devil’s perspective for God’s creation. Women was not created to be independent of man. We are two sides of the same thing, “man”! We are strongest when we are united and supportive of each other. You don’t have that agreement when the women believes that her destiny is tide to being “strong and independent” (that’s a message for young boys becoming men!…….the devil is a liar!)…….Thinking this way is outright rebellion against the order that God established! A women is under the covering of her father until she gets married, then she moves from under the covering of her father to being under the covering of her husband whom takes responsibility for her, hence her taking on his last name! But, the average person doesn’t know these biblical insights as it relates to us existentially. People make up their own minds on how they should live this life and give no credence to the exploration of God’s life instruction manual which we call the “bible”. “You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32)…..The truth of our existence is not determined by each and every individual person. There is such thing as “absolute truth’ and this isn’t predicated on a “relativistic” approach to living. In other words, everything you said comes from your philosophical perspective….and that in itself is suspect, because there is no theology in your position. Men who have no consciousness of God’s word, will read your position and actually think it’s a smart thing to consider it as fact!…….The blind leading the blind, they both fall into a ditch!!!!

  2. Redbone

    March 19, 2014 at 11:30 am


    I totally agree with both of you, neither party are ready for marriage, and Dr. Phil is right. The woman should change her name in marriage, but that doesn’t mean she becomes the mans property and throw out her personal identity. He fell in-love with her for who she is. If he wants to start changing her (MAKE-OVER) he’s has some personal issues within himself with being controlling… Marriage is a partnership, its not about who’s the strongest or the weakest… its about how each loving couple compliment each other on a daily basis to make ends meet in all directions.

    To Brittney:
    I’m not saying Loren is a bad man or Loren is not marriage material, but I am going to say “YOU GUYS ARE UNEQUALLY YOKED”…

    There are women out there who want to play the role Loren is requesting, it is apart of their make-up, they love the domestic role, and many do because they model after their mothers & grandmothers, but your not that woman… and that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you or your lacking in the “GOOD-WIFE” dept…


    The worst thing any couple can do is marry for all the wrong reason to satisfy a partner to where their own happiness no-longer count. Brittney you matter and you counts, so be patient with Brittney and wait on the right mate, visa versa… Don’t allow yourself to get caught up into media hype and statistics, stay focused on your life goals but don’t allow them to drown Brittney out of her personal happiness.
    Haven’t you worked hard to accomplish the ground you are standing on at this present moment? Think about it…

  3. Redbone

    March 19, 2014 at 11:39 am

    Beware of people quoting biblical scriptures and have not the spirit of God within them to interpret the deeper meaning of what the scriptures are saying. Only God can reveal to you what his true will is for your life as an individual…

  4. CS

    March 19, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    As beautiful as this screen background is, it is extremely difficult to read because of black print on the dark background. Please be aware of that for future articles. Thanks.

    • CS

      March 19, 2014 at 1:18 pm

      Seconds after I posted this comment the white background appeared. I can read it now. I don’t know what happened initially.

  5. mark english

    March 19, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    marrage is the tradition a you negrobedwenches want the advantages and priviledges (all basedn gender biases) but you dont want the dicipline and responsibility tha come with a commitment…no woder yoare the lowest on the marrage totlem pole…

    • RobS

      March 19, 2014 at 7:21 pm

      Mark, this is a rather intelligent conversation, with somewhat intelligent opinions being shared. I have just ONE (rhetorical) question for you.
      REALLY? :-/ lol
      FYI, the day is not over yet, and I’m SURE, there’s someone who can offer you a hug today…whatever has your panties in a nasty little bunch, I promise, it’ll be okay. Now go sit in the corner and suck your thumb, until you learn to play nice w/ others!

  6. Elem

    March 19, 2014 at 8:21 pm

    You can’t have it both ways.

    When it comes to unions, there are roles that men and women both play, primarily for the sake of the offspring.

    Marriage is a tradition created out of pragmatism, marriage benefits women and children a lot more than it benefits men.

    A good, responsible father can provide safety and security for his wife and children, in exchange for the children adopting his family name and carrying on his family legacy. While in actuality, the children in most cases will relate more to their mothers.

    When a woman takes away the option of adopting a man’s family name and in some cases of his children adopting his family name, it leaves very little incentive for the man to slave away the best years of his life for the family.

    Men are not women, men are not as sensitive as women and seldom seek the level of emotional attachment women seek from relationships with others. Men are biologically pragmatic animals.

  7. J. D. Hill

    March 20, 2014 at 4:45 pm

    Loren seems to want a maid with whom he can sleep and have children. Intelligent women don’t come like that. In fact, virtuous women don’t come like that either.

    Read Proverbs 31:10-31. There we will find God’s description of a good wife. She has children, she has money to pay others to cook and clean, and she has a good business head on her shoulders.

  8. how to deal with Depression during pregnancy

    August 10, 2014 at 11:56 pm

    Hi there, just became alert to your blog through Google,
    and found that itt is really informative. I’m gonna watch out
    for brussels. I’ll be grateful if you continue this in future.
    Lots of people will be benefited from your writing.


    Look into my webpage: how to deal with Depression during pregnancy

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *