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Attorney Cautions Single Parents About Seeking Jail Time for a Deadbeat Co-Parent

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Daryl K. Washington, Esq.

By: Daryl K. Washington, Esq.

I recently read an article about a six year old kid who was involved in an accident while attempting to drive her mother’s car to visit her father. Can you imagine the fear and thoughts running through this young kid’s mind? This little kid was so desperate to see her father that she not only risked her life but the lives of others trying to get to his house. Fortunately, this story did not have a tragic ending. However, there are so many who are not as lucky.

As an attorney, I see couples use their kids to get back at each other FAR TOO OFTEN for something that went wrong in their relationships. You should never do this because the only individuals harmed are the kids. Parents have an obligation to work together for the best interest of their children. The “only reasons” a kid should ever be kept away from his/her parent is due to some documented proof of violence against the kid or allowing visitation would place the kid in an unsafe environment and there is a court order to support those claims. A kid should never be placed in a dangerous situation or environment.

Additionally, even if the parent is behind on child support, don’t deny the person an opportunity to spend time with his/her kid(s). Let the child support authorities deal with the person only after you have given the person a chance to do better. One thing I must also point out is that you should not push for your kid’s father or mother to be arrested due to his/her failure to pay child support, especially if the failure to pay is due to some verifiable financial hardship. Locking up a person almost guarantees that he/she will be unable to work, which is not the goal.

Furthermore, it only forces a deadbeat parent to pay in order to get released from jail but does not encourage the person to be a good parent which is what’s most important for the kids involved. There is nothing more upsetting to a kid than not having both parents at a birthday party or major events because their parents can’t get along. Individuals must do better when it comes to co-parenting. Both parents have equal rights and as such each should play an active role in their kids’ lives. Stop running each other away because you can’t get over the past or you believe you have superior rights because you carried the kid. God designed it that way. It was not the other person’s decision or your decision for you to carry your kid during the pregnancy stage so that should not be used as an excuse. We must do better. The kids did not ask to come here. Our kids are suffering due to grown folks fighting. Kids need and require the attention of both parents. You should not depend on a judge to tell you how to raise your kids. Get over the past so that your kids can better deal with the present.

Daryl K. Washington is an attorney located in Dallas, Texas. His practice includes Sports and Entertainment, Civil Rights, Litigation and Business Transactions. You can reach Daryl at dwashington@dwashlawfirm.com or you can visit his website at www.dwashlawfirm.com. 

32 Comments

  1. Shelle

    March 5, 2013 at 12:48 am

    This is sad that parents do this. I have never stopped my children s dad to not be in contact with them. I don’t have a court order anymore, I do it all, he is not working, he lives in the city but doesn’t try as hard as he could to build a relationship with them. I let it be because my children are older now and they see for themselves without me saying a word. But a lot of women have hard feelings and I say let it go, be all you can be God sees all.

    • BigWill

      March 5, 2013 at 1:15 pm

      IMHO, women should know BEFORE they become pregnant if the man will likely be a responsible parent. In the black community 74% of children are born outside of marriage which proves that casual sexx does not equate to commitment. Too many women expect a man who agreed to have casual sexx to also agree to be a responsible parent, that’s putting the cart before the horse. It’s imperative that women raise their standards of with whom they are willing to procreate. When a man is selfish, has low morals, a criminal or unemployable and you still choose to have sexx/children with him then, you get what you get.

      • Elizabeth

        March 8, 2013 at 4:45 pm

        You are correct! Most men want sex, not a baby. Men should wrap it up and women need to think. The only person suffering is the child.

  2. Coro Fasho

    March 5, 2013 at 10:58 am

    There’s no law against bitter scornful women. Until such a time,children will continue to be victimized and used as pawns

  3. O Boy Mommies Deal Witit

    March 5, 2013 at 11:18 am

    In other words, damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Another government ploy to keep parents from dealing with their business. Meanwhile, black man un the studio getting that money for the corps. And if he don’t do right by THEM, they will destroy his life! Meanwhile, mothers shut up, and maybe you’ll get a lil something when the corps are done with him. Otherwise stay in your lane and be a single strong black mother!!! I say it sarcastically…but truthfully speaking…

  4. Terrell

    March 5, 2013 at 1:24 pm

    You’re a great attorney, however, one fact was not clearly explained. Single parents are’nt always the person who put the child’s father in custody..Child support does that and then the father must pay to get out of jail..lost job and now even further back in owing back pay..It is cruel and unusual treatment with no financial satisfaction to anyone except the bail bondsmen, and the corporate corrections company. Someone please help brothers incarcerated for thousands of dollars owed in child support when they don’t have a job or means of income for themselves. The morning news paper is full of black men incarcerated for child support and this is the first time I have ever seen an attorney make a stand to help these brothers. Thank you so much.

    • Shawn

      March 5, 2013 at 2:11 pm

      Wow – Having a penis only means your “male”, not a “man”. The distinction between the two is significant. A “man” would not allow his children to lack for ANYTHING, including the mother of his children even if they are no longer together. Why “females” have children by men that they KNOW do not support their current children, haven’t seen their children in ages and have gazillion excuses for not seeing their children (blames it on the mama), not to mention havieng several kids by several different women,is beyond me. It says a lot about the caliper of women they are!

      GENTLEMEN, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO CREATE CHILDREN OR BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM, SNIP IT OR ZIP IT.

      A male in prison is not a “victim” of any system. His being in prison is a result of his failure to financially provide for the child(ren)he created. Your child has to have somewhere to lay his head at night, eat, have clothes and get an education. A “man” will work whatever
      job(s) he can get, wherever he can get it to see to it that his children are provided for – not sit on his brains complaining about the “man” trying to keep him down or reparations or some other bull crap.

      There are too many single women raising boys – we, women,cannot teach a boy how to become a MAN. We are not men, we don’t think like men and cannot teach a boy things necessary to become MEN, they just become more MALES. That’s why it’s important that fathers are involved in their children’s lifes DAILY, not just on the weekend.

      If the mama is trying to keep you from seeing your kid (and your not a child molester or substance abuser or pimp) then there are MANY advocacy groups that will assist you in legally having access to your child for FREE. They advertise, have bill boards, etc. – if you want to see your child – you would let NOTHING STAND IN YOUR WAY!!

      WHAT YOU SHOULD REMEMBER IS THAT AS LONG AS THE MOM HAS A COURT ORDER FOR CHILD SUPPORT SHE CAN HAVE IT ENFORCED EVEN WHEN THE CHILD IS 50 YEAR’S OLD! EVEN WHEN YOUR RETIRED ON SOCIAL SECURITY. YOUR RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR CHILDREN – NOT THE TAX PAYERS.

      • Chris A.

        March 5, 2013 at 5:40 pm

        @ Shawn I agree with everything you said except for the taking care of the mother part. That’s the problem with lots of these child support cases; the mother usually mistakes child support for alimony. In majority of these cases, the mother and father never married. It’s in those cases I feel the father shouldn’t be made to take care of these ladies. Unless of course there is a shortage of food(food my child has to eat), rent( my child is gonna have shelter, but if the mother is shady and simply not paying thinking she could use me, my child is definitely coming to live with me), and/or necessary utilities( water,lights,heat: my child will not go without these necessities) I feel like the mother is not an obligation. Many of these mothers pocket the money for themselves and the child goes without! I’m his/ her father, not the mother’s sugar daddy.

        • Dennis

          May 29, 2013 at 1:35 pm

          Chris I agree with you and Shawn I’m a 32 year old man with no kids going to college to better myself and, I have seen friends who have to pay an outrageous cost to these baby mama who use the money so they can get a new Prada bag. Now I understand a Child needs to eat, and have clothes basic necessities but at no point should the mom think oh I just won’t work and let this man take care of me. My brothers ex is one who thinks that way the sad part is; is that my niece lives with us but yet he still has to pay her child support due to a court order and she collects welfare. So to any woman who is doing the right thing and using the child support to provide for the child and working I commend you it does take a lot of hard work. To those females that use the money and even take care of some other dumb ass using the child support I guess only God or Karma what ever will come pay you a visit.

  5. Buttins9170

    March 5, 2013 at 9:11 pm

    I flat out disagree with the attorney on the issue of visitation and child support. There are other areas that warrant the child to be kept from the other parent that may not fall under violence or an unsafe environent.

    Some parents subject their children to emotional and mental abuse or stress and many times it is caused by the lack of unity between the two parents. When parents don’t get along it causes stress on the child. I know this very well because I’m going through it right now. When one parent is consumed with hurting the other parent because of their bitterness, they lose focus of the child’s best interest.

    I had no choice but to cut off the other parent in order for me to keep my sanity, have peace in my home, and to have less stress on my child.

  6. Thelma Williams

    March 5, 2013 at 9:52 pm

    This is an age old problem.The child support issue is a no win situation for all.Once a person gets on the child support system it is difficult to get off.You can’t get blood from a turnip and the ‘system’ can’t make a person have money when they don’t.A great deal of thought to not procreating in the first place is a major solution.More teaching and less acceptance by society of multiple out of wedlock births should be discussed.Ladies possession is 9/10th of the law.That is your baby YOU are responsible for caring for it.If you are not able or willing to care for it then don’t bring it here to suffer.I observed a sister take care of her two children by marriage and never put her ex-husband on the system.Her philosophy was “she was not going to make another man mandate that he support his children” and she worked two jobs to see that they had their needs more than adequately met.It just keeps getting worse. The system made it acceptable to have multiple babies with no visible means of support and look what it has gotten everyone.

  7. Imhotep

    March 6, 2013 at 5:25 am

    As a son of a family law attorney, some of the statements made here are good and some are incorrect. Riddle me this, if u owe your mortgage company thousands of bucks for non payment or credit cards will you go to jail? Answer is no. If u owe for a repossessed car in the thousands will u go to jail? Answer, no. In every situation about money in this country its a civil issue ( back rent also) and therefore heard in civil court. OJ owed 33 million in a civil judgement yet he was not put in jail for that. Bill Clinton welfare reform act of 1996 put child support as a federal issue because they felt too many kids were on the system. That the only reason why u can go to jail for owing. Now Shawn, u r not totally correct. A lot of states now after the child reaches a certain age ( 28 in our state) , all orders drop off the rolls. Now if the feds have a lien that’s a different matter. But ask this, why should we as taxpayers pay double, section 8 and other stuff to help kids like child care and pay for a person to be locked up over a “civil” issue? We need jailspace for hardened criminals, not petty family disagreements! Or should we jail the person who doesn’t pay us back for free childcare and section 8 also? Think without the emotions my peeps. ..Hotep

    • Buttins9170

      March 6, 2013 at 3:38 pm

      I hear your points and they are valid. However, I believe that absentee parents are partly responsible for why some criminals exist in the first place, particularly in the black community. Absentee fathers and single homes headed by women are two of the primary causes of the breakdown of the black family. So, it’s not just about petty family disagreements.

      It is unconscionable for any parent to outright abandon and neglect their own child. I have more respect for parents who have enough decency to put their child up for adoption because at least it is an attempt for them to give their child a quality of life that they may not be able to provide.

      Child abandonment is more of a social and psychological problem than a criminal one. Parents who do this need counseling and parenting skills. So, I do agree that incarcerating them may not necessarily be the solution. However, single parents who are struggling to raise their children have no other recourse.

  8. Imhotep

    March 6, 2013 at 5:39 am

    Oh and just for the record, the brother is on point and the judge cannot and should not be a fulcrum for someone to ” get back” at the other person. Remember people, they don’t give a damn bout you or your kids, its a way for the system to get paid and I saw it with my attorney parent cause they stayed paid!! Matter of fact they told me stories of prosecutors laughing at the shyt in court. They don’t care! ! So to the angry folks understand that! !! Ptah Ra…

  9. truthbeliever

    March 6, 2013 at 10:21 am

    Apart from a small portion of misfortunate incidences, not paying child support (whether male of female) is neglect. If you don’t have a court order of support, the toys and clothes you give sporadically are merely gifts. If you lose your job after court proceedings, it is your responsibility to make the courts are aware. To do less than that, means that a warrant will be issue on your behalf in the near future. I have never heard of someone being jailed for inability to continue to make support payments after having lost a job. What usually happens is that the man doesn’t pay the court-ordered support with any regularity and finally the mother does the right thing and contacts the court. It then becomes apparent that the man owes thousands of dollars in back support and failed to pay even when it is documented that he has had a job at some point.

    Men and women, a good clue as to whether or not someone is capable of being a good parent is noticing how well they take care of themselves: Do they have at least a high-school diploma and technical training? Are they able to fully support themselves? (hint: living with momma or a roommate is not indicative of someone who can handle ALL the responsibilities of keeping a roof over their own heads). How many jobs have they had in the past 5 years? (Hint: folk who can’t seem to keep a job for more than 18 months may not be reliable). Do they have other children for whom they’re not paying court-ordered support? (Hint: it doesn’t matter if they “don’t believe it’s mine”.) Do they drink heavily or use illegal drugs? (Hint: pot is illegal in MOST states).
    Do they display aggressive behavior? (Hint: they probably don’t have a healthy respect for the law or authorities).

    Conclusion: It might not be a good idea to have children you can’t afford to take care of own your own.

  10. Mecca

    March 6, 2013 at 11:46 am

    I believe do to my lack of a real father figure…I picked deadbeats. I am raising my two kids alone because asking for $25 let alone any money from these men is torture and hell. I am called bitch, trying to steal their pocket. It’s just senseless. My son’s father is the worse. He married a white woman that hates his son and I mean HATE. She refuses to allow them anytime alone so my son resents this lady. And now sad to say my son doesn’t care and has asked if I can find him a mentor ( I asked his dad to call every other week so that he can talk too and my son is still waiting (2months) he never called my son) what a blow to my son. So now my son has asked to change his last name and have mines. He no longer wants his day’s last name…so what am I to do? He is 11 and has started writing my last name on all his school papers and has told his teachers. My son, even looked up the fees and how a name change works on google.

    I feel like a bag of crap because I chose a man that begged for a son but has never come thru. He was only good when we were together. I cry at night because my son is a good kid that makes the high honor roll and is in accelerated Math and Science. He plays football and basketball since he was 5 but yet his father hasn’t been to a game since because his wife won’t allow him or he is just a whipped out sucka. And out of all of his kids my son is his carbon copy.

    For the life of me how can you tell a black man is going to become a deadbeat? A lot of people are good at fronting.
    I never thought that to be with a white chick you have to treat your firstborn as if he doesn’t exist because of his wife insecurities. I am just pissed off because my son suffers from this and no matter what I do to better his life it doesn’t take the place that his father may love him but he is a no show. I am even contemplating moving near them just so my son can be near his dad when he enters high school. Adjusting my life so my son doesn’t grow up hating his dad.

    I am just too nice… Just needed to get this off of my chest because I know not all black men are like this but many are!

    • Elaine

      May 31, 2013 at 5:34 pm

      Too many of us go to church to sit under the teachings of “what?” We say we believe the Word of God, but do not manifest nor practice living as His Word commands. As it is written, “It is a good man who leaves an inheritance for his grandchildren.” It is also written, “If a man careth not for his own, particularly those of his OWN HOUSE, he is worse than an infidel.” There is only ONE TRUTH and it certainly appears we are all living one way or the other. As Tupac said, ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE US!!! Everything here now (including the system) is temporal. However, “Heaven and earth may pass away, but my WORD shall not return to me void,” thus saith the LORD OF HOST!! “Ye men of Israel hear these WORDS.” It is shameful that we continue to confess JESUS LOVES US (and He certainly does); however, we neglect one another? God did not forsake Abraham, Abraham did not forsake Isaac, Isaac did not forsake Jacob, and neither did GOD FORSAKE US because He gave of himself for our sakes! “Love your neighbor as yourself.” How dare we neglect OUR OWN when the Highest authority commands otherwise. WE should believe GOD, rather than MEN!!! Deadbeat father’s continue to live as Adam — allowing Eve to usurp authority over him. He still does not get that he has been redeemed from the curse of the law!! LORD HAVE MERCY!!! Therefore, WE must stop and examine ourselves (each and everyone must give an account) and live accordingly! Render unto Cesar what is Cesar’s, and render unto to God what is God’s. As it is written, “Obedience is better than sacrifice!”

  11. truthbeliever

    March 6, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    Mecca, God bless you. It’s not your fault your son’s father is a deadbeat and he is a DEADBEAT. I wrote the hints above because of my own esperience with a deadbeat dad and because of the shared experiences of other women I know. Hindsight is 20/20. It’s heartbreaking that a parent (male or female) can be so callous about a child the helped to create. The children do suffer indeed and we hurt because we’re helpless to protect them from hurt.

    My son is 27 now. He is a college graduate x 2 and a successful and fulfilled teacher. He makes an impact on the lives of young men and women on a daily basis. As a teen, he hated his father enough that he stopped going to church because his “dad is the world’s biggest hypocrite”. He has outgrown the resentment now and has forgiven his father. However, he says he has no use for him now that he’s no longer a boy and doesn’t care if he ever sees him again. His idiot father is just beginning to realize that he’s missed out on the life of an ingenious young man and can never take back those years. His health isn’t the greatest and his step-daughters have made it clear that they will not be the ones to take care of him. The wife he left me for is now seeing another man.

    In short, it’s hard watching our boys hurt, but they will overcome! Keep being a loving mother who places nothing ahead of her children. Surround him with good people. Treat him to fine cultural things. Remind him that many young successful Black males do just fine in life. A friend of mine who had baby boys when she was 15 and then again at age 18. They are both physicians now (TRUE STORY). They too, had a rough childhood. They also chose to forgive their idiot biological father, but says he can just keep-the-hell-a’stepping.

    If I could come across your son’s path, I would let him know that there are complete strangers who are praying for him to make it. Look up and live.

    • Elaine

      May 31, 2013 at 5:51 pm

      And you wonder why Mother’s Day is so widely celebrated over Father’s Day? Statistically, the most cards created and mailed by prisoner’s are those cards mailed to their mothers on Mothers’ Day (including those father’s who may happen to be spending Father’s Day in jail for neglect to pay child support). The majority are too sending only their mother’s a card on those days of recognition.

  12. O Boy Mommies Deal Witit

    March 6, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    Thelma. I’m not sure why you think such, but who suggested to you that anything in America is free? You REALLY think those programs you mentioned are free???? Gossip doesn’t make life true. Stop gossiping and spreading rumors; you continue to help spread that lie. Uninformed people are liars. You are uniformed. Get informed.

  13. Wake Up My People

    March 6, 2013 at 5:57 pm

    Humans should not fall folly to thinking less advantaged people “owe them something”. Our father the God, doesn’t request that you repay HIM for messing up the life he gave you. He forgives you and help you correct yourself -EVERY time. Jesus, before he was christed, was an example. Be kind, loving, forgiving, respectful, to yourself and others. The only one who ever demands “payback” is Anti-Christ doers. Go see about God, save yourself.

    When one is under the influence of satan(the world), they make unconscious actions like, dating other unconscious people. Sometimes, children are made. God forgives. We wake up. We reap what we sow. Mans judgment is null and void, he know not anothers heart, sometimes not even his own. We ALL mess up. We ALL get back up. Be there to help. Isn’t God there for YOU, when you reach out for his help?

    Be the change you want to see, by doing to others what you would want done to you. Be blessed

  14. Pattycake, RN

    March 6, 2013 at 9:27 pm

    It takes two people to produce a child and two should be responsible for him/her. Things are not always that cut and dry when it comes to taking the blame for having to be hard on the irresponsible parent. There may be extenuating circumstances to every situation. Therefore, someone looking at the situation from the outside or from hearsay can not really make a valid judgment as to what measures may be necessary to care for or to support that child. Also, the parent that steps up and takes responsibility and has to lay down the law may be vilified while the other parent is just having fun, fun, fun and looked at as the hero. Also, the person who is responsible for caring for the child may also be the one who takes the blame for everything that the child feels that he/her may have missed out on and is sometimes not given any credit for all that the child may have accomplished. Go figure.

  15. Pattycake, RN

    March 6, 2013 at 9:52 pm

    Mecca,

    Keep your head up. I don’t know you but I totally support you. I have actually been vilified and made to look like a hater bc I did not like the treatment that I received from my ex’s family who mostly married white. Then my ex chased after mostly white while I was still with him. After breaking up he had a child by one and went around dragging my name through the mud, devaluing me to everyone including my child due to the fact that he felt I was inferior bc he felt I was Black and loud mouthed. I would like to be a lady but will have to get ghetto on occasion when left with no other choice. Sorry, but everyone has a breaking point. I could care less who he is with but he has poisoned my child’s mind against me and taught her how to be an assimilator, now I look like the bad guy for doing what was right. But hey, since I’m not a man, who cares that much about my opinion?

  16. Elem

    March 8, 2013 at 11:24 am

    The problem is fascism. Using the age old tactic of divide and conquer, some black women have foolishly come to believe that the courts will give them whatever they want.

    When people become dependent on the government they cease to take responsibility for their own lives and future. Single parenthood with a paycheck to paycheck lifestyle is ridiculously hard. You need all the support you can get.

    It’s a systematic break down of the black family, if you are always barely making ends meet, your children become short changed and ill prepared to compete and make a living in the rapidly technological advanced economical age we live.

    Remember slavery would not have been sustained for as long as it did without the support of government. Government also introduced segregation into the lives of black people, heck the list of governmental atrocities against blacks reads like volumes of thick encyclopedias.

  17. Pattycake, RN

    March 8, 2013 at 11:42 pm

    I don’t think that the technological skills or lack thereof of either parent has anything to do with both parents taking care of their responsibility toward the children. It seems that society is quick to be judgmental toward a Black Woman who may have to stand up for herself and her child(ren). It is true that children need to develop technological skills but they may have a better chance at that if both parents cooperate with each other in the children’s best interest but in some situations that may be impossible. Every situation is different and you can’t blame one parent because the other one may be reckless or maybe even violent or abusive. Sometimes a woman may have trouble fighting for her life, her children and fighting against public opinion for standing up. We should try to give our single Black mother’s support instead of continually making them feel that they aren’t enough because they may not meet someone else’s definition of successful. And sometimes those mothers may indeed have the skills to compete but due to discrimination or many other reasons may be forced into an untenable position, etc. If no one else speaks up for them they may be forced to turn to the system. That’s why we should take care of our own, so we do have more choices. But nowadays people who have become successful usually just run away or shake their head in disgust because they may see someone else not doing as well as they are as a low-life. That’s what I shake my head at.

  18. Pattycake, RN

    March 9, 2013 at 8:30 am

    Elem,

    There’s one thing that I strongly agree with you about. A person would have to be a fool to believe that the courts will give them what they want. Even if all they want is some semblence of justice. It seems that people that look like me and feel like me, and even some that don’t look like me are always told to be forgiving yet other people may in fact be compensated in some way. But if that person takes matters into their own hands then they are the ones in the wrong and have to pay the consequences. So yes, I agree that they must be a fool. Because a fool may be too honest. Not that they may not tell a lie or two at some point in their lives. Has anybody not ever told a lie? George Washington maybe? But maybe he didn’t have to lie, he had a whole army. Some people are fools because they just don’t know when to keep their mouths shut in the face of injustice. So maybe that person will just go through life internalizing everything instead of speaking up because they get judged so harshly. However, they get judged in other ways, i.e. being ridiculed, scorned developing high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, mental illness, and I can go on and on and on, but who cares? Or maybe when they don’t like how they are treated and say, that’s not fair, people say, “you’re just jealous”, or they just say, you don’t have enough skills…lol. Some people have learned to make assimilation an art, and that’s okay by me, whatever works for you, I guess. However, some people are just not wired that way. I guess that makes them fools and maybe they are a fool, but sometimes even a fool has something valuable to say. I guess that’s why they are considered a fool because sometimes people don’t want to hear anything of real value unless it profits them in some way. So if that fool does go to that judicial system, maybe they just want to have something to say, finally. Even if it may be at their own peril.

  19. AnackSuNamunn

    September 5, 2013 at 12:50 am

    as I read all the comments here made by so many even the son of an attorney!.. and if someone reads this, try to please for the sake of arguments explain to me, ( mostly i want to hear imhoteps suggestions or outlook!)…
    I am a good parent (mother).. ive always been the primary caretakers of all my 3 kids. me and my 3 kids have been living in another state, me and father have agreed we divorce but we’ll share the kids.. he found out im with someone and i dont want to comeback to him anymore.. then he filed for divorce and full custody, terminated his alimony and wont help me raise our kids. he said he wont pay me support and if i cant take care of my kids give it back to him.. ive been married to the father for more than 12 yrs.. by law im entitled for alimony, but becuz i have no attorney, he lied on the papers becuz im a bad mother, and he quits his job and then tells the court his not working. so the whole time my kids were with me, i was making 1267 a month, while he makes 35oo a month ( got his job back later on) he resinged his job so i cant ask for alimony. but im already happy as i have my kids, i was suffering and strugling so bad, 800 rent, plus utilities, clothing, food, school supplies, where did I get the money.?… i sold jewelries, just so i can pay for supporting my kids, pay for daycare so i can work.. now my kids have their own lawyer. had asked the court for my kids to stay with dad and give him a chance to be with kids.. he lives with his father, doesnt pay bills only his mini cooper. has all my kids, my kids are always left alone to care for them, and my daughter takes care of her brothers. while they wait for dad to come home at 5:30 or 6 pm. and have no house or a place for my kids, on top of that my daughter shares room with her dad and her siblings.. he has a private attorney, suing me to pay for his attorney , my kids attorney, gives me visitation only due to i live in another state.. we agreed to leave the kids out of divorce.. but now hes also suing me for child support.. when i had my kids, i paid for the rent, have bills on my name.. i supported them.. every one her mostly talks about fathers rights, and that father gets the kids.. i never got help from him and now he wants support.. i cant pay becuz i have a new lease i cant break it if i do, they take me to court… now does anyone thinks that my kids should stay with the father and the father kept on suing me for help and support… you all think that fathers are going thru hardship in their life by not being with their kids.. im a mother good parent, i never terminated any help i can give the dad physically.. but hes making it hard for me… how does any one here think that my ex husband should get the kids, everyones think that females are very vindictive, i was so nice, didnt ask baby daddy for anything when i had my kids.. now he wants all support and wants me to pay for his lawyer and minors counsel and now i dont have my kids… what should i do with my case,,,,, now i feel like being the father, not that i dont want to see my kids, but him choosing to get divorce in a another state, and file full custody ,, i really felt empty, and now i fear i wont get them.. with a 600 dolars for support.. what about where i live?.. how does anyone address my problem… its the dad that acting like the woman here…

  20. AnackSuNamunn

    September 5, 2013 at 12:55 am

    i feel its wrong for the system to take my kids when they were with me, they have a better place with me a home, which the dad dont.. they have excellent grades here with me.. and i never ask for support from him!… wheres the justice for me, i have no lawyer to speak for me and he did.. that was the advantage for him and a bad one for me!.. was the system fair with me or was the system prejudice with me!…???

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