Ways To Keep Your Children Out Of Your Bed

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Photography by Five Ways To Encourage Your Children To Sleep In Their Own Beds

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Sometimes it’s difficult to enjoy your spouse’s company when one of your children is wedged in between the two of you. Children who sleep in the bed with their parents can quickly become an inconvenience. Parents complain about their loss of sleep due to the child’s tossing and turning and the absence of intimacy because of the child’s presence.

Fathers who have reported jealousy of their children — especially shortly after the child’s birth– are encouraged to have an open conversation about their feelings and to determine whether or not they’re jealous of their wife for bonding closely with the baby or the baby for coming in between he and his wife.

Parenting expert, Armin Brott, suggests that establishing independent relationships with the child and the spouse are helpful too. “As important as talking is, it probably won’t be enough. Create a date night or go for a walk with your wife. Bond with your baby by bathing him, cuddling him, playing with him, putting him to bed, taking him for a walk in a carrier, and changing his diapers. You can also bottle feed him if your wife is pumping breast milk or using formula,” Brott recommends.

To ensure that your children do not place a wedge between you and your spouse in the bedroom, here are five things you can do get them to sleep in their own beds:

1. Start Early

The earlier you get your children accustomed to sleeping in their own beds, the more comfortable they will become with the environment as they mature and learn different emotions.

2. Find Out What’s Scaring Them

Observe your child’s behavior as you’re placing them in bed. Is he/she tense? Is he/she crying? Walk them around the room. Ask them what’s scaring them. There may be tree branches that hang very low and create frightening shadows at night. Purchase curtains. If they’re afraid of the dark itself, purchase a nightlight. If they’re afraid of the “boogey monster” under the bed and/or in the closet, places storage containers under the bed and organize the bedroom closet to decrease any speculation of hiding creatures.

3. Read A Bedtime Story

It’s important to make sure your children are comfortable in their bedrooms. The best way to convey this comfort is to spend time with them in their bedroom by reading them a bedtime story. Plus, reading bedtime stories can be a fun activity for all members of the family to enjoy.

4. Get Them A Bedtime Buddy

Having the presence of a teddy bear or a baby doll can make all of the difference in the world to your child. If they’re afraid of being alone, allow them to select a bedtime friend. Be sure to let them know the bedtime friend is their companion that shares the bed with them at night.

5. Don’t Give-In To Crying 

No matter how challenging it may be for you to hear your child cry, allowing them to continue to sleep in the bed with you and your spouse will only lead to long-term problems with you and your spouse and/or with you and your child. If the crying persists for more than a week after you’ve followed the aforementioned steps, you may need to consult with professionals for assistance.


  1. EXsillywoman

    October 23, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    Awesome advice!!! If I may also add: pray for your children in the name of Jesus in their presence, that also has an calming effect that angels are watching after them.

  2. Are U. Serious

    October 24, 2012 at 2:00 am

    This is by far a damaging and poorly researched piece. The jealousy of a spouse does not outweight a child’s need for comfort and reassurance. Attachment parenting is practiced by all mammals! You do not need a professional if you child is crying. You need to pick them up. Humans have slept in groups for warmth up through this century.

    • Herman Hawkins Jr.

      October 24, 2012 at 9:59 am

      Sorry, but children do NOT belong in bed with their parents. the article clearly states the proper way to get a child to sleep. Humans are NOT lower mammals and we have to get real with that.

  3. Jennine

    November 27, 2012 at 7:28 am

    Yes, it is important for husbands and wives to have private, intimate time.

    And, yes, a child sleeping with parents every night is definitely not a good idea.

    That having been said, however, if men and women do not wish to make the kinds of loving, protective sacrifices that responsible parenting demands, THEY SHOULD NOT HAVE CHILDREN. Babies and toddlers are, by definition, vulnerable and emotionally fragile. If they cry during the night for more than two or three minutes either the mother or the father needs to get out of that bed and comfort that child.

    Allowing a child to cry on and on without checking on that child and providing the comfort and reassurance they need is brutish and animalistic. And if we don’t want to do this kind of thing, we should just stay on birth-control.

    This type of comforting reassurance will NOT make your child weak and dependant. On the contrary, it will give your child a confidence and self-assurance that only comes from the knowledge – attained AT A VERY EARLY AGE – that they are loved and protected.

    Telling little children soft and comforting stories just before falling asleep, while holding them if they are babies, or maybe rubbing their backs if they are toddlers, often helps to soothe and relax them. Soft and soothing, AGE-APPROPRIATE prayers also help them to feel safe and protected. However, the “Gentle Jesus, Meek and Mild” prayer is NOT a good idea. The lines “If I should die before I wake, I ask the Lord my soul to take” scare the h*ll out of little children. Even adults don’t want to contemplate going to sleep and never waking up!!!

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