Ask a Black Man: 7 Mistakes that Black Women Make to Ruin their Chances for True Love

Filed under News, Relationships

by John Roberts

Looking for love?  Then why are you always finding the opposite?  Stop blaming the world and listen to me.  Here are the mistakes that many black women make when trying to find true love.  Pay attention, it might change your life.

1)      Keeping a list of rules, standards and expectations:  Do you bring a set of rules and lists with you into every relationship? Maybe a man needs to be a certain height, weight, income level, shoe size or IQ?  If so, just know right now that every man you meet is probably going to come up short.  The new guy always seems nice and shiny, but if you’re seeking perfection, you’ll never find it.

2)      Being a bag lady:  If the last dog you dealt with defines how you’re going to deal with the next man, then just know that by preparing for dogs, you’re probably attracting them.

3)      Not knowing how to love a decent man when you meet one:  If you come into a relationship prepared to play stupid games, this probably means that you’ll run off any decent guy who comes into your life.  I’m one of those “nice guys” with a high income and I can see a nasty woman from a mile away.  Those women do not get my attention.

4)      Feeling pressured to hit certain benchmarks before a certain date:  You are not worse off than your friends because they’re all 27 with kids and a husband and you don’t have either.  The truth is that many of them aren’t happy anyway, and a lot of them have settled with bad men in order to fill their quota.  Just give it five years and you’ll see many of them in divorce court.

5)      Forgetting about the art of being nice:  A lot of black women teach each other to be mean because some of them are mean to each other.  Feminists teach you that being kind and sweet to a man means that you are giving in to him and makes you weak.  Here’s a news flash:  If you’re in love, you’re SUPPOSED to give in to one another.  Men like women who are nice.  Being evil is not sexy, even when you think you have a good reason for being an a**hole.

6)      Choosing flash over depth and substance:  He’s tall, handsome with a nice job.  So what.  Does he love you?  Is he a good person?  Does he have good values?  That’s what’ll make him your husband and not just another guy trying to get into your pants.

7)      No capacity to forgive:  If you allow one little thing to anger you to the point of being unable to forgive and move on, you’re basically killing everything that makes you beautiful.  Don’t do that.  Your man is going to make mistakes.  Prepare to forgive him to save your relationship.  Love is hard work, accept that.

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74 Responses to Ask a Black Man: 7 Mistakes that Black Women Make to Ruin their Chances for True Love

  1. I have learn so much from reading your articles. I am dating a wonderful guy for about a year now and I was struggling with my “trust issues’ and “baggage” from my past relationship. I realize I was pushing him away and I got my act together. thank you for educating me with your articles.

  2. Trina

    I really appreciate this article. This is what I’m talking about … relationship advice that is not combative, manipulative, or places blame on women for a man’s behavior. This article highlights ways to enhance your own womanhood and the rest will fall into place. Thank you!

  3. milwood

    From a man’s point of view, “very well put”..

  4. Mimi

    There are only 7 points made… where is the 8th?

  5. diablo

    ha ha i date latin women and white women

  6. mmdccbslm

    this is a great article. I met an amazing woman 20 months ago and she truly was attractive, talented, industrious and physically beautiful.

    She also played games, having a non-ex-boyfriend, whom she could not part with.

    She had a list of unspoken criteria, which I was supposed to be measured against without knowing what it was.

    She never offered to even pick up a tip at a restaurant.

    Come to think of it, she never offered anything.

    So when I suggested to her that she didn’t appear interested in me and that maybe she should find someone she actually was interested in, she exploded and accused me of trying to dump her.

    We went our separate ways shortly after she revealed that she spent the entire time comparing me to yet another ex of hers. I wished her well.

    Since we run in some same groups, I can confirm that she has been alone since, save for the occasional one-night stand, I presume.

    I have been happily dating AND COMMUNICATING with a wonderful woman for over a year and we are working our way into each others’ lives.

  7. Lenny

    I think I expect too much from my boyfriend. He’s really a good man. I’ve dealt with losers in the past but I am proud to say I don’t think about them nor make comparisons. My issue currently is I expect a lot from him and get easily annoyed when he falls short in certain areas. I don’t feel like he’s very romantic, I get angry when he doesn’t listen to me and I have to say the same stuff over and over. I have to almost beg for some things I feel I shouldn’t have to. It’s confusing. I honestly don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna push him away by being too expectant, but…I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know who’s the problem.

    • Boot

      I feel you I had a girlfriend and she was always coming up short I tried to explain to her but it did not do any good we was together for 7 years it wasn’t all bad I decided that I was not going to go through it anymore I did everything that I could possibly do her attitude was I don’t care so I decided to let her go and go on with my life I haven’t met anybody new but hopefully I will soon….

    • aimed mail

      Just hang in their and try and sit. Down and. Talk. To him. Most. Relationships lack clear communication between the two people. You must make him. Seemed. Understand. Your needs. Wants and. Feelings. If he really and truly love. You and he truly know what. Your value. Is. To him. He. Will listen and. Try. To meet that need regardless. Of how. Hard. It. Maybe. Your. Value. To him. Should be priceless period. Good luck to. You and the. Man. You love.

  8. george

    NUMBER 8……LEARN HOW TO LISTEN OR TO DUCK HUS LEFT JABS……l***o

  9. Milinda

    Why is that folks are always telling black women how to find love? Perhaps if some our men begin to Respect her be, nice to her, non-shallow. They too, will find love.

    We need to learn to love one another and discontinue the criticism and stop bundling one another into categories. Be blessed fam.

  10. Crissy

    Hmmm….I wonder how would this article read if it was targeted at men. I’m not saying there aren’t some valid points here, because there are. I like it but to be fair, I think another article should be posted beside it that goes something like this:

    Rules for Black Men to find true love (If that’s what you’re looking for)

    1) Keeping a list of rules: Do you bring a set of rules and lists with you into every relationship? If so, just know right now that every woman you meet is probably going to come up short. The new woman always seems nice and shiny, but if you’re seeking perfection, you’ll never find it.

    2) Being a baggage man: If the last b***h you dealt with defines how you’re going to deal with the next woman, then just know that by preparing for b*****s, you’re probably attracting them.

    3) Not knowing how to love a decent woman when you meet one: If you come into a relationship prepared to play stupid games, this probably means that you’ll run off any decent woman who comes into your life.

    4) Feeling pressured to be a player: You are not missing anything because your friends are all 27 and single. The truth is that many of them aren’t happy anyway, and a lot of them have relationships with bad women in order to fill their quota. Just give it five years and you’ll see many of them still single and miserable.

    5) Forgetting about the art of being nice: A lot of black men teach each other to be mean because some of them are mean to each other. Sexist and angry black men teach you that being kind and sweet to a woman means that you are giving in to her and makes you weak. Here’s a news flash: If you’re in love, you’re SUPPOSED to give in to one another. Women like men who are nice. Being evil is not sexy, even when you think you have a good reason for being an a**hole.

    6) Choosing flash over depth and substance: She’s tall, beautiful with a nice job. So what. Does she love you? Is she a good person? Does she have good values? That’s what’ll make her your wife and not just another woman after your bank account or who is impressed by your professional status.

    7) No capacity to forgive: If you allow one little thing to anger you to the point of being unable to forgive and move on, you’re basically killing everything that makes you wonderful. Don’t do that. Your woman is going to make mistakes. Prepare to forgive her to save your relationship. Love is hard work, accept that.

    Just sayin…..

    • Montely

      You missed #8 too. lol

    • Cee

      #8 Making everything about you. When a well written article, that gives females some insight into what turns men off, is twisted to serve the female perspective when it should just be read and considered.

      I can see your man coming home and saying “Honey, I had a bad day” and you replying “and I didn’t” instead of listening and empathizing. Then I can see your man calling his side piece and getting the reaction he’s looking for.

      • He Is

        If this is in reply to Crissy then HI 5!!! Everything is geared toward women these days and the moment someone tries to show them that is NOT all about them the twist it anyway… And “Tracey” Below this post is probably AMENin everything about that post because they are both bitter baggage handlers!

      • He Is

        @ Cee…If this is in reply to Crissy then HI 5!!! Everything is geared toward and for women these days and the moment someone tries to show them that is NOT all about them the twist it anyway… And “Tracey” Below your post is probably AMENin everything about that post because they are both
        Bitter Baggage Handlers working at different Airports! If you catch my drift!!!

      • Porsche

        Omg thank you sooo much for saying that Cee!! It really irks me when people read articles that target one gender and then feel the need to flip it and address the other gender.

    • Red723

      wow. if you’re in a relationship i’d like to offer my sympathies to your man. smh

    • Gia A.

      Thank you, Chrissy!!!! Why are articles always directed toward the “black woman”?

    • aimed mail

      You just made the point about some women. Not all.but some are always challenging. Men and if a man say something they disagree with then the challenge. Mode is on. Now if. You define. Me then ill shoot. Back and define. You and. So. On. And. So. On. It never. Ends. When do someone. Say. Enough. Lets. Stop this. Nonsense of defining each other. Based on our own mixedup and. Twisted and. istorted views. About each. Other and startdoing things to nuture and. Build the relationship. Everything. Don’t. Have. To be. A. Battle. Of. The. Sexes. My opinion.

    • Steph

      Thank you for showing the flip side to this, a healthy relationship involves TWO willing participants….can’t deny the article has great points…but Im sure our brothers can stand to gain a lil wisdom as well:-)

    • @ crissy..Girlfriend I thank you so much for flipping the script,I’ve been in a few relationships and I try to put some time in between each of them just so I can get a grasp of what went wrong / what lesson did I learn from that . (I wait almost a yr sometimes) I go in lookin foward to being a blessing not a henderance to the new man,I’m not the witch most are use to,however i’m not the fool he wants me to be (seemingly) eighter, Men come with alot baggage too,and sometime just being nice to them makes them hate you more then anything…..go figure? I have A job 2 little ones and for the last 2yrs I’ve stayed to myself I have a few friends i talk to on the phone(and haven’t met yet) nor am i pressed to do so! Because Men can be some mean hateful lieing a*s low dnw sneaky creatures. I ain’t mad at some of them for being that, “I’ll just stay out of their way”!! And,the great ones their too scared to commit to anyone in fear of being fooled so they become players and that’s not them.

  11. tracey

    Amen Crissy…we should treat each other the same way!!! I wonder if many men hear it that way.

  12. Godsson614

    Why do some women get on the defensive when it comes to looking introspectively, rather than seeing if anything said bears some truth? This article was wrote for yall about yall. Rather than accepting that its that, the first thing yall say is “I wonder how this artice would read if it was written for a man”, well it’s not. Maybe just me but it seems as if all the women that I have dated can’t take any form of criticism.They’ll tell me “you should change x and y”, and I will take a serious thought to see if what they say is true.However let me tell them about them and then they always bring me up. “Your not perfect either”, blah, blah, blah. Instead of getting on the defensive how about looking to see if the article bears any truth. As men we have books, movies, plays, dedicated to what we do to ruin relationships and how to sustain a successful one, Now its yall turn and some of yall can’t take the criticism.How about stop taking this artice as a attack and see it as a tool to gain insight into improving your relationship from a male perspective. Who better to learn about males then from males?

    • Red723

      right. i don’t get why other cultures of women just don’t seem to have many of these hangups for some reason.

    • @ goddsson we understand and appreciate the veiw from the other side ,we just wonder if you as men asked your self why is it that we as women think or feel the way we do,because women didn’t start out this way, the majority of us went into that relationship open hearted,open minded and opened to just love, Men changed our veiws and all most of you can do is sit back and say “it wasn’t me”But in the same instance, It wasn’t us who did you wrong. Spend some time telling your brother man that we as woman we are their furture along with the childen they are leaving behind in droves. Talk to blk men about loving themself’s and how uncool it is to just keep going from woman to woman just because he can!! Teach/talk to them about having some respect for themselves and their d**k and how everybody dosen’t deserve it!Understand this WE LEARN HOW TO LOVE FROM WHAT WE SEE,If we don’t see you lovin us , how is it you see me??? Bkl men need to learn how to be a friend to women frist, we all do!

  13. Sure Thing

    @Godsson614…That was very well said. Thank you for that post. I have felt that same way for a long time too. The article in no way is attacking or going against black women. It is clearly instructing black women about GOOD black men, and how to act and react to men in order to attract the real black man (the good guy). For a woman to get defensive off of an educational read which is there to empower them with (not against or over) Mr. Right, bears some truth that that particular woman (the defensive woman) has personal issues that she has not dealt with, which need to be dealt with. I have read and seen articles for black men and men in general on what men need to do in order to find the respectable woman (respctable in attitude, personality, character, kind-hearted, nice, good woman), which is Miss Right.

  14. Sure Thing

    However, women (and I say women even though it also applies to men, but also because the title is about black women) need to first look at themselves and realize that there are things about them that need to change for the better or just completely removed from their persona, in order to find, date, and marry Mr. Right. In other words, Mr. Right is not attracted to Ms. Wrong. There are tons of single monogamous black men, who will not cheat and have not cheated on any of the women there were in raltionships with and won’t begin to. However, a lot of people refuse to believe that such men exist (in all races) because the only guys that get the attention/spotlight, particularly in the media, are the bad ones. So, because people tend to see such types of men (the bas ones) over and over again (in the media, and then in their own communities) people tend to believe that the no-good man is the only type of man that exists, when he is not.

    Then you have TV programs that want black women to adhere to the negative and lying stereotypes that exists in society against black women. Reality shows like to depict black women as being loud, angry, undatable, etc, etc, and black folks watch those shows like someone is giving out money. Then you have certain talk shows which have been around for 15 – 20 or more years, with the same old topic over those 15-20 or more years…WHO’S THE BABY’S DADDY and WHO CHEATED ON WHO. Guess who are the people that are constantly showed and exploited and paraded around on such shows as if they are trash…BLACK FOLKS…and more so (in my opinion) than any other race that are sometimes on those shows.

    Secular rap is just as bad, if not worse, because there is no education in the music to the black community. The motto in secular rap is “DO YOU”, which translates to “I DON’T CARE IF WHAT I AM DOING IS IMMORAL AND UPSETS FOLKS. IF ITS GOING TO MAKE ME RICH AND FAMOUS SCREW EVERYONE ELSE.” Black people need to stop supporting these various types of garbage, which only hurt the black community, because white folks, asian folks, and even many latinos are not being hurt by them (not that I would be ok if they were because i sure wouldn’t).

  15. AndTheBandPlayedOn

    Most men need to practice what they preach.

  16. dannyism

    i knew sum women would get a lil defensive. its a shame when we r being told the simple truth and we have to always counter. thats one of our problems ladies. take what u need, and discard what u don’t need. that simple. personally at 39 everything stated in the list was correct. we r not talking about black men right now! look inside and u will probably see the reason u are defensive is because u do all or sum of the things listed. blessings

  17. hero16432

    50% of American women can’t get a man!!!
    The traditional Christian man has little chance of finding an American-born lady who would not chew him up and spit him out upon his first assertion of anything remotely resembling “headship”.
    http://www.levelwise.org/should-men-say-no-to-marriage.html
    Change yourselves or become lonely old and bitter!!! Men are simple all they need is love and when you get old he will always see as the young beautiful women that he fell in love with. REALLY!!! He will literally think you have not changed since he first saw you!!! If he comes home and see that you are angry he will try to fix it. If he can’t fix it he will become mad like you because he didn’t do anything to make you angry!!! If you are happy he will be happy and do anything for you to keep that smile on your face. You will become the source of his happiness. If you encourage and believe in him, he will accomplish great things!!! If you say or think is worthless, he will become worthless!!! Men are a reflection of the woman he is with so if he is F**k up GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR!!!
    American women you can’t win this battle!!!!
    Share if you agree!!!

  18. Derrick

    Another article for Blacks to bash at each other! I ain’t falling for the okey doke because that’s all these so-called Black news site promote is self hate with these kinds of articles.

    We all know that Blacks have problems, mexicans have problems, asians have problems and caucasoids have problems in their relations, BUT it seems that Black people are #1 on everything!!! From being the most dis-eased group of people on the planet, to the most murderous group!!!

    THESE STATS AIN’T FACTS! The bottom line is that caucasoids have more marital problems than ANY culture! They steal, rob, kill and oppress more people, than ALL cultures on the planet!

    In 2006 over 10,700,000 TOTAL crimes were committed, in the unuted snakes of a******s. Blacks committed 2,000,000 of this number, while caucasoids committed 8,000,000, and other races committed the rest.

    Therefore, why are we ALWAYS projected on tell-a-LIE-vision, as the only people, who are committng crimes when these stats PROVE DIFFERENTLY?

    WE MAKE MIS-TAKES, BUT cauasoids commit MUCH MORE OF THEM!!!

    I’M Out!

  19. He Is

    Please forgive the double posting… connection problems… Thanks

  20. gee

    GIVE ME A BREAK!! Since BLACK MEN have WHITE WOMEN to RUN to…THEY NOW THINK they are a “HOT COMMODITY” and can now GIVE ADVICE ON HOW TO KEEP THEM!!!PLEASE! BLACK WOMEN DON’T FALL FOR THIS. WE HAVE BENT OVER BACKWARDS TO GET ALONG WITH BLACK MEN FOR YEARS. YOU ARE THE REASON WE ACT THE WAY WE DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    PLEASE DON’T WRITE ANYMORE OF THESE STUPID ARTICLES FOR BLACK WOMEN. WE DON’T NEED THEM.

  21. ST

    For the women, here, who resent what you ‘ve read, look on the bright side. These brothers are engaged. They’re communicating. Many women say that’s what they want. When someone communicates, it doesn’t mean you’ll like what you hear. The point is there are brothers out there who care. The ones who don’t, don’t care about this site, let alone, trying to communicate through it. So take a chill pill. It’s a viewpoint. It doesn’t have to be something you agree with for it to be a valid viewpoint. It’s important to be able to listen without feeling the need to “bat back” things you don’t agree with. People speak from their experience or their perceived experiences. That’s all. I notice two things start to happen when Black women don’t want to listen to Black men. 1. They’re tired of being told what’s wrong with them. Since she’s been in this country, it’s been the way she looks, the way she acts, how she treats her man, why she can’t get a man,etc. She’s tired of that! What the Black woman need to realize is the Black man has been criticized too. It took centuries before he was even considered a man. He was considered lazy, unintelligent, a criminal, etc. Some Black women, when angry would throw such adjectives in his face. 2. There’s a trust issue here. Many sisters believe they’d done the best they could, only to be decieved or used. This, for years, had been what was behind my resentment. I felt brothers should be more concerned with telling other brothers what was right/wrong and correcting their disrespect of women. I felt men didn’t do that enough with other men. If they weren’t willing to do that, then they didn’t really care. I found that my solution for this was to always respect myself. I learned how to say, “no” if needed, and when to walk away. You’d be surprised the kind of brother you attract when you have that kind of confidence. You don’t have to be hard or mean (which is nothing but a defense mechanism anyway). You can be as nice as you please. Just know your value. We both have issues. The solution is more communication, not less. But it needs to be honest and caring communication. We need to grow up. So what if we get our feelings hurt. Talk it through without the need to start finger pointing. I love the idea of Black men and women getting along. But if we don’t change something, we’ll continue to go around in circles, getting nowhere in our relationships.

  22. Rev. George Brooks

    The problem with black women, black children, the black communities, and the entire black world is US BLACK MEN, plain and simply and true. Because the responsibility, success or failure, of any and everything within black people, starts and depends of the black men, just as is true with every other race, since human being have been on this earth. So let’s cut the continuous flow of excuses and blaming of our black women and children, and get our black behinds up and be about the business of getting black folks together and on the ball, and being successful, like the men of other races. And our black women and children will commence conducting themselves in the proper manner, just as other women and children of other racial groups do, for the most part, anyway. So cut the d**n excuses, my black brothers, and “grow up” mentally, and become REAL MEN. — Rev. George Brooks

  23. How many or what mistakes does black men make to ruin their true chance of love?

  24. D

    I don’t date black men(my preference), but this list is pretty helpful.

  25. AW

    I AGREE WITH THE ARTICLE FOR THE MOST PART BUT BLK MEN NEED TO STEP UP GROW UP AND BE MEN THEN THE BLK COMMUNITY WOULD BE IN A BETTER PREDICAMENT. TOO MANY OF THEM ARE LAZY, TRIFILING, UNEDUCATED AND IMPRISONED IN THEIR MIND AND PHYSICALLY AS WELL. SO SAD THAT THEY DISRESPECT THE VERY WOMEN WHO GAVE THEM BIRTH AND LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY.

  26. Pingback: Opinion: 8 mistakes women make to ruin their chances for true love | YNaija

  27. Golda

    In response to Diablo and I don’t usually respond to Blogs but your response prompted me to have to say something. I agree with Trusthis12 who is telling the truth that usually the kind of guys that feel they have to abandon their race and feel another race is inferior I have a problem and wouldn’t want them anyway. Have you been informed that only some black men want white women for whatever reason I will never understand and black women want the black man and definitely do not prefer to cross over to other races such as Latina nor white races. I can attest to that because I prefer a real black man. Respectfully in my opinion real black men only prefer beautiful black women because that is what we are. We come in all shapes, colors, and sizes. Ruling out the black woman is a weak excuse. It sounds like a cop out. Your mama is black, your sister is black, your grandma is black, your auntie is black, your ancestors are black so why insult black women by stating you prefer black. Historically the white man wanted the black woman and still do. But we don’t want them. We continue to want to stick by our black men who some choose to demean us by making sarcastic remarks like you did. The following quote by a white woman explains your ignorance.

    “We are just two people. Not that much separates us. Not nearly as much as I’d thought.”
    ― Kathryn Stockett, The Help

    Again, I would like to reiterate that usually a man that thinks a Latina or white woman is better I would never date anyway. A weak man that feels his only attraction is towards another race than its own has some real issues. I love my black roots and not ashamed!!!!! We are the best at everything we do!!! Check the record!! Oh and I am a beautiful black woman!!!

  28. Gia A.

    I don’t need any article to tell me how to treat my man. We have been together for 8 years are the best of friends, because we have respect for each other, do for each other and love each other. That’s all you need in a relationship! #Blacklove

  29. Shae

    Reality is these suggetions apply to everyone. No matter the s*x race or background. A lot of people learn these lessons over time dealing with different people throughout their lives. Some of those people simply need reminders and others are just harded and attractive to negativity and drama. Its not just black women its human beings. Yet still ignorance is bliss as long as you positively live life laugh love and learn no one can tell you your doing things wrong.

  30. Earlg

    Reading most of these comments I am left with a sad, sicking feeling that too many of us just don’t get it. “Once the slave mentality had been ingrained into the African physic it was almost like the slave mentality became a part of the DNA. It could not be eradicated by war or by laws. When the news of freedom came to the southern slave many were filled with confusion. Harriett Tubbs once stated she could have led thousands more slaves to freedom if they had known they were slaves.”

  31. rluckettb

    Sure Thing was pretty much spot on! In my opinion there’s good and bad in all genders and races. The problem with certain black women is their desire and/or willingness to be with black guys(not men) that choose to not pull up their pants! Then after getting burnt wanna say there’s no good black men out here! If only they’d give the brother who is not influenced by Hip Hoppers, Rappers and full of tattoos a chance then they’d be on a better track to an appreciative and respectable man!

  32. Tonda

    Sistahs need to spend more time on trying to learn about how to really love and respect themselves and each other. All this BS about mistakes we make and rules we need to follow is ridiculous. Our elder sistahs knew how to attract and keep a good man and they didn’t need any special advice or tricks. Once we realize that ain’t nothng new under the sun, we will start to attract men who recognize, honor and want those same qualities that most of them saw in the women they grew up around and, if those women were positive examples, they will want the same qualities in the woman they want to grow old with.

  33. I agree with all 7. All of your relationships that fail, isn’t always the mans fault! We all need to look at ourselves before we point the finger. Men make mistakes, but we do to! When u look for perfection, you’ll always be disappointed, instead find someone that truly makes you happy, and learn to appreciate what you have. Forgiveness is always for yourself……. Who said you were perfect?

  34. Keepingitreal

    Before you write something about men or women, make sure you’re not just perpetuating a stereotype. You have met evil people of different races so it’s unfair to say 1 group is evil.

  35. Michele

    I find this very interesting, and I must say that I feel that black women have stayed by the black man thru thick and thin. Though some of these men deserved to be curbed we or should I say have stayed too long trying to make relationships work, though not being treated like the Queen that I am. I admit we make bad choices we all do. But I find myself loving self more. I have been single for a long time by choice. black Women get tired and are very able to take care and love themselves, but lonliness creeps up from time to time. I’m a women willing to do what a woman is supposed to do for her man. I think some men forget there place n what n how they should treat there women. Yes I’m a quality woman and I want a quality man who’s willing to learn me and I learn him. A mental challenge, a companion, a kind of person who smiles more then frowns, something I do think black women lack, n whom blame their maddness on past experiences. ladies its time to put the past rotten relationships behind u and smile thank God for the beginning of your day speak when spoken to, don’t think that every man that speaks to u has negative intentions, but don’t be blind to the bull either. Love is out there and I believe I will find it in God’s time. Until then I will be kind to those who deserve my kindness, n refuse to let any old experiences change me into a B i t c h. I just move away from people with negative energy, thru experiences u should know whats healthy and whats not. Its up to u to make better choices not on just looks, finances, n s*x. We as women need to look deeper, but so do men. Good Luck to all looking for LOVE.

  36. blacknerdyandpowerful

    The women who’re b******g about this article, are probably the typical African American Ratchet, lol. You know the ones, ran through, and breeded with uneducated, down-low, thugs, probably slipped across this article after typing in “why can’t I find a good black man”. You ignored us when we were in our youth, always going for the brother selling coke, with his pants around his knees, on the corner, who was f*****g her friends too…yet come looking for us after we’ve made responsible choices, and obtained moderate success in our goals, the look for us when they’re stock reaches rock bottom, body all worn out, and none of them scumbags they ohhhh so love don’t want dogshit to do with them.

    Those damaged minds believe we run to women of other ethnicity because they’ll let us walk over them, when the truth is, women not born in US/UK have morals, virtues, and ambition, they stand by their man. The American women, especially the African American ones, are walked over by thugs daily, and enjoy it.

    Now go finish reading your whorish Wahida Clark book.

    • Cinderellachild

      @Blacknerdy:sounds to me like someone needs to forget the past. You can have all the money, power, influence, what have you if we don’t have have a connection, if you don’t respect me, if I can’t love me like I love you then you can take all you have and give it to what ever woman you want. Ratchet? What is that? The same type women that you critisize use that term. Last I checked a rachet was a tool with adjustable parts..

  37. Cinderellachild

    After reading some of these comments I have one thing to say……. in my james brown voice “this is a man’s world ”
    I am there woman who follows all those rules. I have some old school values.

  38. Cinderellachild

    Addition:so now what?

  39. D.C.

    Great article and very true.

  40. Donna Dortch

    If a woman has to follow a certain guideline on what to do and not to do, this leaves her with no spontaneity, which men thrive on!

    Women don’t be fooled by statements that appear to be professional advice.
    Dating is finding a mate that fulfills your desires, not his!

  41. Pingback: 7 mistakes women make that ruin their of finding true love | YNaija

  42. Deana

    Articles like this make me want to vomit. It’s bad enough that I have to battle ignorance and stereotypes whenever I leave my house. Here we are, on a site that you would think would use it’s powers of media influence to strengthen a group of people but repeatedly bashes Black women. I hope the writers,editors and publishers realize that when you bash Black women for their responses to mistreatment, you should ALSO call out those types of men who cause those reactions. Why was this article not tilted, “7 Mistakes Black Men Make, that Ruin Black Women’s Chances of Trusting and Loving”? This way of thinking is extremely harmful to men and women no matter what ethnicity they are but you don’t see articles such as “7 Ways White Women Get More Than Half Your $hit”. Other cultures go to great lengths to PROTECT their women as a whole, and those men get held up in esteem as protectors. This article is some Willie Lynch mess!

  43. cassie smith

    I think we are labeled as mean because we will not take the bull that some men are trying to dish out. We are not supposed to be mistreated and because we stand up for ourselves does not make us mean. We all need to know the true meaning of love and how God created us to love.

  44. Vinny

    You can always read the comments on these types of articles and reasonably determine who is single and who is happily involved.

    U mad?

  45. Doc916

    I know that I am a good man, but it seems that my “hope-2-B”, “future” still has trust issues. We live about 2 hours apart and converse every night. See each other as often as possible, but there is something about her mannerism that brings me to question weather or not SHE trust me? I am not cheating. I trust her. Hmm!

  46. Andrew

    Frankly, I have issues with both black males and females. I don’t try to get out with black males. I don’t try to date black females. There is a ton of valid reasons for both of them and those reasons I can easily see on this very topic.

    h**l, I hasn’t got into a relationship at all in my life. Yeah, I’m a 26-year-old virgin and, after seeing how black women down here conduct themselves, I’m not regretting that decision.

    Case-in-point: If someone were to ask me if I would like to permanently change my skin color, I would do so in a heartbeat because, in the end, I’m indeed at a disadvantage as a black male.

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