Sil Lai Abrams Challenges the Theory of Black Women Looking for a White Knight

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Sil lai Abrams, the relationship expert for, writes about the confused state of affairs in black relationships that leads to many experts pushing black women to date white men.  She says that the there is an entire industry that has been created by men making millions by giving flawed dating advice to black women, like megapastors selling prosperity gospel to help you pay the bills.  Abrams says the following:

Forgive me for saying this, but I have a hard time stomaching this trend. Just because you were raised in a family of women, or that you’ve slept with so many of us that you could start a national sorority comprised of your sexual conquests, doesn’t make you qualified to tell me how to increase my chances of getting married.  And let’s not forget that the statistics say that Black men aren’t buying into marriage either. Hello? That’s like Johnnie Cochran giving the State of California inside information to gain OJ Simpson’s conviction.  As commitmentphobic as Black men supposedly are, I think there’s a valid reason to say that this advice dispensing could be viewed as a serious conflict of interest.


Abrams then goes on to offer that it may be overly simplistic to assume that dating white men is going to be the catchall solution to challenges faced by black women in their dating lives.  As a woman who has dated men of all races, Abrams makes it clear that those who fantasize about white men somehow being able to raise the bar over the heads of black men are in for a rude awakening:

Let me get this right: one of the reasons why successful Black women should pursue relationships with successful White men is because a successful White man is more likely to create a relationship of “equals” with a Black woman than a Black man because successful White men want nothing more than to be in a relationship with a woman who is his equal?


I’ve heard more than a few of my professional sisters come straight out and say some variation of this statement while declaing “forget about Black men and their non-appreciating behinds.” They’re looking to become the next Mrs. Rabinowitz.

I’m a Black woman who has dated White, Hispanic and Black men. From my years of field research, I can assure you that a White man can be just as commitmentphobic, misogynistic and unreliable as a Black one. As disappointing as this may be to the sistas who have bought into the Myth of the White Knight, Black men do not have the market cornered on shady relationship behavior.

Abrams’ points have been considered widely after movies like “Think Like a Man” have made millions of dollars on the misery of black women seeking answers.  Abrams says that not only are the answers more complex than we might think, the solutions are also inside our own souls and not just outcomes created by other people.  You can read her remarks by clicking here.