Love Notes from Sil Lai: “He Lied about His Break Up so He Could Sleep with me”

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What do you do when someone you know and trust lies to your face and makes you look stupid?  We’ve all seen it before, either as a victim, observer of perhaps a perpetrator.  These are crimes of the heart, and unfortunately, there is no court of law that you can take your case to.  Sil Abrams, the relationship adviser for, talks about this very situation from a woman who was embarrassed after a male friend put her in an embarrassing situation.

This could happen to you.  Maybe you should be thoughtful, careful and take your time before “giving up the goods” to someone who asks for it.  Over time, all lies eventually come to the surface, but if you don’t give things time to develop, you never have a chance to peep what’s really going on.



Dear Sil Lai,

I recently got involved with a friend/associate of mine who had been in a relationship for as long as I’ve known him.  He had flirted with me for years, but I never responded. One day he tells me that he and his girl are no longer together. Something made me question if they had really broken up, but I couldn’t get a straight answer out of our mutual friends. They told me that she had moved out and that they hadn’t seen her around in a while. So, even though it was a little soon after his breakup, I decided to give him a shot.  In a very short time we were totally immersed in one another…he even went so far as to declare his love for me publicly in front of our friends!

Then one day I discovered that he had lied to me about the entire breakup when I got a call from his “ex” and all hell broke loose. She had heard that he and I had been stepping out together and asked me point blank if we had slept together.  I lied and told her no and I also told her that he had told me that they had broken up.  She said they hadn’t, that she loved him and wasn’t willing to give up a relationship for something that could be worked out.

Even though it was brief, he and I had a very intense relationship. This has been so messy and I’m completely emotionally drained by the whole thing. Part of me feels I should have told her the truth about what happened, but I didn’t.  Is it too late for me to say anything?  I’m not trying to become her friend or convince her to leave him, but as a woman I feel like she has a right to know what kind of a man she’s dealing with.  Should I tell her the truth?


Dazed and Confused




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  1. Erica

    July 29, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    Yes you should have told her. She will take him back and you will be looking crazy. Too latevto tell her now, she will think you are lying.

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