Ask a Black Man: Four Ways Your Man Plays with Your Head

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I would like to give women some inside scoops on ways your man might be deceiving you.  Every man isn’t out to get you, but some women are just begging to “get got.”  Here are four ways your man might play with your head without you even knowing it.

1) Using money to get you to think he’s a great catch- Women like men with money.  But money has nothing to do with his character and just because he has money, that doesn’t mean he’s going to give it to you.  Some men with money have a phone book full of women and are the biggest dogs in the world.  But they get you to join their roster because you are blinded by the dollar signs.  The same thing is true if he is handsome, famous or something else that gets you to think that he’s a wonderful man, even when he’s not.

2) Testing your sexual boundaries – Men try to test women to see what they can get away with.  If you offer him sex on the first date or with no strings attached, he’ll gladly take it.  So, don’t get mad when it seems that your celibate girlfriend always gets the man that you slept with after the three date rule.  You can have sex with men, but you shouldn’t think that giving it up easy and early is the way to keep him around.  It might be the way to lose him.

3) You believe everything he says – If he tells you that the girl he’s cheating on is a horrible woman and that you are the exception to the rule, then you deserve whatever you get from him.  You’re not the exception to the rule, you are just the next person he’s given that story to.  You can trust your man, but make him earn your trust.  Don’t become that woman who believes everything a lying dog has to say.  It only makes you look silly to your friends.

4) Selling you a dream – one man I know who gets around with a lot of women had a very simple philosophy.  “You have to sell a hoe  a dream,” he said.  That means, you tell a woman everything she wants to hear, even if it’s all a lie – you tell her that you want to marry her, have kids with her, that she’s the most beautiful woman in the world and that you don’t have eyes for anyone else.  Then, she gives you sex.  Some women would rather hear a sweet lie than to face an ugly truth.  Don’t be one of those women.

You can find Mr. Right if you look for him in the right way.  But if you are susceptible to dating Mr. Wrong, he is probably waiting for you at the next party.  Find the man that’s right for you by doing right by yourself.  Make him prove that he’s real.



  1. Buttons

    July 12, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Thank you for sharing those tips. I have observed that men who operate in this manner usually are the ones who “get got” in the end. They do not and cannot measure up to the real standards of manhood, so they imitate the distorted images that they see or they create their own images based on their ignorance. Their self-esteem is low and they’re void of either professional or spiritual purpose. So, in what ever area they are lacking in their lives, having multiple women fills that empty space and validates their manhood.

    But, as I stated, in the end, when “the game” is over and reality has set in and the universe has given them the bountiful harvest of the many seeds of manipulation and deceit that they have planted, that’s when they become enlightened to the fact that trickery is a dead end road, and that as the African Proverb says: What I do to others, I do to myself. I’ve witnessed this up close and personal and I can tell you, suffering is not a game.

    • aw

      July 12, 2012 at 12:46 pm

      @Buttons: You need a blog. I wholeheartedly agree with you. I would like to hear more from you!

      • Buttons

        July 12, 2012 at 3:22 pm

        Thank you. I just express my thoughts.

  2. Yvette

    July 13, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Thank you Buttons for your sharing your thoughts. I agree with you and you should have a blog. I would follow you.

  3. Vandellish

    July 13, 2012 at 11:03 am

    All of this is very true (especially #1 & #4) but the problem is WOMEN DON’T HEED THESE WARNINGS!!!
    Time and time and time again women continue to be seduced by the cliché BS that most of us guys put out there. He’s got a great job/business, he’s a church goer, he wants to be married, expensive car, blah, blah, blah. Women (I’m talking ALL races) are suckers for familiarity and status and they absolutely LOVE a man that’s pre-approved, meaning her friends or peers think he’s a ‘great catch’. True players know how to create this environment and capitalize on it.
    Women tend to put aside ‘regular’ guys who do regular things. A guy without a lot of women pining for him, drives an average car, and has a steady but unspectacular job or home is seen as boring. Potential matters but most women would rather not go through the lean years with a guy. They’d rather attempt to mold an already high status man into the guy that they want. When the average guy finally comes into his own, he’s probably bitter and has changed his views and therefore changed what he wants from a woman.
    I’ve come to the realization that most of this stuff won’t change for the masses of people. All we can do is keeping searching for the truth from the relationships that we come across and be honest with ourselves as well.

  4. cloteele

    July 14, 2012 at 5:24 am

    afrtrt 30 years of being singlr i statrtd see a pr-approved, gent. we did mary after 3yrs of compangionship. pr-approved has goin sick and is vsrey controling..i wish i could leave but have belongings here and have no place to go…….

  5. youdonthearme

    July 14, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    Okay here is the truth the word we’re not saying is simple… insecurity!! Women have got to get to the point that while they enjoy the company of men they don’t need their validation of them as human being, as women, as a person. Simple to achieve right? Heck no!! But its worth the fight. Once a woman has given herself permission to accept herself as she is (that’s the good and bad parts) then she has a chance of interacting with another person on a fair playing field. The time invested in this journey into self will help to save one’s sanity, one’s dignity and give oneself a chance at being happy with life. Guys can smell our insecurity and for some they run the opposite direction; for some they smile and call us prey as they prepare to pounce and then we have those who stand still while trying to figure out what is really going on. So, from one sistah to another please take time to learn how to love yourself past your pain so that you can be whole when Mr. Right does come across your path. I’m just sayin’ …..

  6. anonymous

    July 15, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Oh…women like men with money. You don’t say.

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