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Ask a Black Man: 5 Questions to Ask Your Man to See if He’s Got Potential

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Too many women have a problem picking a man that is good for them for the long haul.  The worst thing you can do is have sex with a man who isn’t good for you, because you then end up falling in love with an idiot.   But instead of telling you what to do with your sex life, I’ll just give you a list of questions you can ask to find out if a man is a halfway decent catch.

These five questions are easy to ask, non-invasive and can help you figure out where this dude is going with his life.

1) Do you have a five year plan?  If the answer is “no,” then dump him.  A man without a plan is a man who is planning his own demise.  He should be able to tell you where he’s trying to be in five years, and you should be cautious if his plan ends on an NBA team or at a record label.

2) What occupies your day-to-day life right now?  Having a plan or a dream is one thing, but if he’s not working every day to achieve his dream, he will probably never achieve it.  Look at what he does with his time every day, and that will tell you what kind of life he’s building for himself and for you.

3) How did you get into the profession that you’re in right now?  Seeing his professional timeline is important, because you can then see his patterns.  If he has been in school for a long time, he probably values education.   You can figure a person out by understanding where they came from and how they got to you.

4) Do you see yourself as a saver and investor or as a big spender?  If a man says that he doesn’t save like he should or gives you an indication that he lives paycheck-to-paycheck, that is bad news for your financial security.  Also, watch how he handles money when the two of you go out.  If he spends like a rapper, then he might not be a good pick.

5) What are the most important things that you think a person should teach a child?  This may be the man who one day serves as the greatest male influence in the life of your kids.  You probably want to hear that he would teach his kids good values, like education, hard work, and decency.  If he can’t quite answer the question, then give him time to come up with an answer.  Also, realize that if you sleep with him, you take a chance on raising a child with him.

20 Comments

  1. yvette edwards

    July 15, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    I agree totally with every point. Unfortunately we learn late in life what we should have been looking for. I hope you can reach out to young women who need this information like yesterday!

  2. jay

    July 15, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    These are good questions related to the society we live in today, but it all goes to CHARACTER and MORALS…. If a man has no moral values he will not be good whether he has money, good job or wants children. Establish a friendship without sex and sees if he stays around for long.

    (smile)

  3. therevolutionwillnotbemphathized

    July 15, 2012 at 11:41 pm

    don’t sleep w/him first

  4. Warren Johnson

    July 15, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    Sleep first, ask questions later…. Lol! Seriously though. These things hardly work, and because money is at the forefront of it all, there is bound to be problems. When a woman goes into a relationship, she shouldn’t be going in with the expectation as if she has won the lottery, but instead should be assessing just how much she brings to the relationship to enable her and her partner to be all that they can be. There is too much crass materialism at the forefront, and it is small wonder that successful men are inclined to treat such women as two-bit whores who just can’t be trusted. Help to build. Don’t expect that it will all be ready and laid out for you, and there is nothing wrong with being prepared to stand by your man, through thick and thin….

  5. DIABLO

    July 16, 2012 at 12:55 am

    if a woman have to go to another man to have him ask her man shit then the bitch dosent deserve a man wtf kind of shit is this

  6. Brycsyn Alexander

    July 16, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    I think that these questions are all good ones. They are just a few of the things you should know about a man. Its funny that so many men get upset when the conversation about money or being a provider comes up. They want to immediately accuse the woman of gold digging. As a man you should want to be able to provide for your family. Providing is a good thing women should not be discouraged from wondering about a possible financial future. That is not gold digging. You would not go into business with someone who can’t handle their money,or are untrustworthy, or have totally different values than you, so why would you consider dating or marriage to them which is in fact a partnership.

    • AP

      July 17, 2012 at 11:57 am

      ^^Touche!
      I just got cussed out from a guy because I asked him about his contribution to the relationship. He accused me of being concerned about HIS money. I am not a tit for tat person but after some time like what are YOU bringing to the table. I thought nukka it was all good when I was SUPPORTING your cause.. footing the travel expenses…bringing business your way.. but NOW when I ask about you money…I am a gold digger, I am miserable in life, I’m a bitch ..I just laughed. Like whew GLAD I only invested less than 3 months into his ass. AND this fool is educated (which means NOTHING when your character sucks) he is 42 kids are grown but chose to quit his job to focus on his son’s bball career (say wha’ your kid AINT Michael Jordan or Kobe) so now you expect people to wait around for you and your “non profit” to take flight (I sponsored into it by the way) But as for these questions it is TRUE…People MUST DATE responsibly ..I am no longer 25 years of age with rose colored glasses on where we can GROW and have all the time to wait for you to GET IT TOGETHER! (now if you suffer hardships while together that’s different I am talking OFF TOP don’t come into the relationship BROKE)

      Just like on the plane …if there is ever an incident of an emergency and are traveling with child…You SECURE YOURSELF FIRST then you take care of the child…same in a relationship TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST then you are able to securely bring someone into your life (male/female).

      @Warren you are too funny I mean I literally LOL. Sleep first, ask questions later smdh…MOST men are good if the GOODS are given but DON’T bring up $$$ you have thought you said I put anthrax in your tea you just drank.

      @James I live in Houston and guys want a stellar gal’ but are not stellar themselves so it is funny to me…You want a coke bottle shape chick when you have 3 stomachs…wtf A PLAN SHOULD BE WORKED OUT BEFORE YOU get involved depending where you are at in life and what caliber of female you are trying to attract. Most successful women deserve that of a successful man (and he does not have to be a millionaire to be considered successful but his finances MUST be in order)

      And with all that said I STILL LOVE THE BLACK MAN just wont settle

      I digress…

  7. james

    July 17, 2012 at 3:40 am

    WTFugggggggggggg, all these questions are financial based question which a relationship shouldn’t be based on, right now a 5 year plan is not worth the brain power it take to think it up, who write this crazy shyt, someone that need a job an trying to hold onto his or her spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, or someone that write down thing that sound good, why just a black man an not any man, why not ask these questions, how much do you respect your mother, sisters, aunts or any female family member, do you believe in god, do you believe in family, do you love me, what can you do to help us get what we need, do you do drug, sell drug, do you sit on the couch an play video games all day, can i truth you, do you believe in love, what are your feeling about women place in a relationship, what is your feelings about kids, how are we going to prepare for retirement, do you go out every weekend, do you party a lot ie. every night, do you have a lot of friends that come hang out at your house or apartment everyday, do you believe in boys or girls night out, ask question that can really cause problems in a relationship, finances can be worker out if you are not trying to date a total loser, but a plan can an will change, just because like a lot of people are figuring out is that life is not something you can plan, its a lot of professional people can’t find a job in their field right now, an i bet that was not a part of their 5 year plan, but adjustments are a part of everyday life, if you can adapt to life changes, you can make it, so a 5 year plan can be like setting yourself up for failure or disappointment if you don’t have money already, if life throws you a couple of curve balls an your looking for a fast balls , so that’s a rich man game, average people like me cant do this, i have to constantly change or evolve to try to keep up, Im a truck driver by trade but i can do carpentry work, ceramic tile, cable, pipe fitting, lawn care, cook, chemical processor certified, other trades i have had to learned when one trade played out, so you can’t judge a person because they don’t have a 5 year plan, because people have lost jobs an went to other trades an learned that trade, only to get laid off, I personally know 2 guys that have bachelor degrees in the computer field, one is swinging off the back of a garbage truck in Houston Texas an the other is driving a truck across the USA, go an ask the people in places like North Las Vegas or Detroit about a 5 year plan when jobs leave if your not ready to adjust, I love education an think its a necessary tool in life, but if you don’t have hustle along with it your in trouble in time like these.

    • Deamonghod

      July 18, 2012 at 2:13 am

      WHAt a bunch of crap.. Since especially now with the way the economy is askin about a 5 year plan?
      Poeple who have worked anywhere sometimes all thier lives arent even sure if they last a year!!! Dumb ass questions //plus a sister herself should have her own shit together before she comes askin me what i can do for her.. because that is what these questions are based on. it should not be a job interview…

      • mudbone

        April 1, 2013 at 7:51 pm

        I know that’s right!that was dumb!

  8. Amy

    July 17, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    I agree with James.

  9. Tdjones

    July 18, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    James you should have re-read your reply before you pressed submit. Your points would make more sense if you had spelled the words correctly, and used proper English!! Even in today’s world everyone (male and female) should have a plan, and have a back-up plan. Anyone that fails to plan, plans to fail! Keep living my brotha, and you’ll learn that’s what’s required in life.

  10. Charles Reaves

    July 22, 2012 at 11:08 am

    I agree with these 5 questions, but I wonder if most women are equipped to properly analyze the answers. It’s almost as if a man needs to provide the same sort of information to a woman that he would provide to a potential employer. Personally, I have had at least two hot arguments with women in different relationships over several years who believed that because I was so busy pursuing professional and business goals and had only a discreet amount of time for socializing that I must be married or have another woman, and that I was “weird”. My current project is that I am studying for the CPA examination, which has 4 sections with a first try national pass rate of 45%. This means that on average that a candidate needs to budget 8 tries to pass this 4 part examination. And that does not include the ethics examination of one’s respective state board of accountancy. There are additional credentials specific to taxation that I am pursuing asa well. It is my experience that most women have no appreciation at all for the process through which a man must go to achieve his goals. It has been my experience that most women only care about what is in front of them right then, right now, with no ability to project into the even near future. Most women I have seen are too intellectually lazy to even take to time to understand what the man is trying to accomplish. And most fail to analyze or even understand the hard work and effort required to create the finished product they so long for. Like I said, if a woman cannot respect my process, then she will never enjoy my success. Like Warren Jonnson said in his comment, such women come off like two-bit whores that no man of substance would ever take seriously.

  11. Charles Reaves

    July 22, 2012 at 11:14 am

    POST SPELL CHECK — I agree with these 5 questions, but I wonder if most women are equipped to properly analyze the answers. It’s almost as if a man needs to provide the same sort of information to a woman that he would provide to a potential employer. Personally, I have had at least two hot arguments with women in different relationships over several years who believed that because I was so busy pursuing professional and business goals and had only a discreet amount of time for socializing that I must be married or have another woman, and that I was “weird”. My current project is that I am studying for the CPA examination, which has 4 sections with a first try national pass rate of 45%. This means that on average that a candidate needs to budget 8 tries to pass this 4 part examination. And that does not include the ethics examination of one’s respective state board of accountancy. There are additional credentials specific to taxation that I am pursuing as well. It is my experience that most women have no appreciation at all for the process through which a man must go to achieve his goals. It has been my experience that most women only care about what is in front of them right then, right now, with no ability to project into the even near future. Most women I have seen are too intellectually lazy to even take a moment of their time to understand what the man is trying to accomplish. And most fail to analyze or even understand the hard work and effort required to create the finished product for which lust. Like I said, if a woman cannot respect my process, then she will never enjoy my success. Like Warren Johnson said in his comment, such women come off like two-bit whores that no man of substance could ever take seriously.

  12. Latrice

    February 13, 2013 at 8:39 pm

    I agree with James. The questions in this article are questions where the answers are fluid. The questions James poses are real questions because they show a persons character and personality, which don’t change. @ Tdjones, he was probably just typing too fast… we are so critical of each other.

  13. Antonio

    February 14, 2013 at 3:31 am

    From my experience the 5 year plan is the plan. Every 5 years I must be progressing forward . Somebody mentioned it goes both way, thats true, nobody wants to get with a crazy. Just be yourself and watch it happen. everything else is just trial and error.

  14. Erica

    February 14, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    An old island saying`check your head before you open your leg’

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